Good Morning CuteNLost
You are a good person and I promise you other people have the same problems that you do so no beating yourself up. Are you seeing a therapist?
Here is a tidbit I found and want to post here for you and all of us............it sure has opened my eyes and I can see I have some work to do on my own. Your in good company here.
Are You Compulsive or Addicted To The Net?
Using the Net is not a problem for Internet users who are on-line less than two hours a week. Heavy users are at risk when they are plugged more than 18 hours a week. There is no official diagnosis for an addiction to the Internet. The proposed disorder is called Internet Addiction Disorder (IAD). There is rather exact criteria proposed but it essentially easy to spot a problem. A compulsive and potentially addicted user is on-line more than 10 hours a day in non-work related activity. Answering the question "Am I addicted?" is based on four questions.
Do you feel better when you are on-line, chatting, or exploring the Net?
Are you or have you been spending more and more time on-line?
Are you on-line when you should being doing something else?
Have you tried to cut back and don't?
You probably have a compulsion if you feel a strong need to get on-line when you should be doing other things in your life. For instance, "Are you forgetting to eat?" Or, "Are you getting up at 3 a.m. in the morning to go to the bathroom and checking your e-mail before you go back to bed?" Checking e-mail at night when no one else is up and for no reason is a compulsion. You may even have early signs of addiction if you feel a need to be on the Internet more and more and feel worse when you stop.
I see myself in this scenario.................
I do hope you seek medical attention and please know we are here and we care.