if anyone could take a look..

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New Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 1/8/2009 12:41 PM (GMT -6)   
hello.. this is my first time posting here.. I kind of feel awkward doing so..

I've been feeling terribly lonely and I just can't talk about my feelings to none of my friends, family members or anyone else.. If you could read this I would really appreciate it if you have some advice...

I'm nearly 18 years old, live in eastern Europe, going to high school, finishing high school in 2010 july..

I have always been bad at communicating with people.. I could never get along with people well.. I have always had some friends.. but I've never been one of those people that can just get along with practically anyone.. I am easily annoyed/angered by the slightest things.. I've really been trying to get over this and I can't..

I get labeled as a pessimistic person all the time.. I don't want to be pessimistic at all, but I don't know how I can change myself..

I have been in love with the same guy the past 4 years, he is one of my close friends.. he is the greatest person I've ever met, he's very talented socially, verbally, and he is very smart.. I have always tried to deny my feelings for him because he was my friend and I knew he wouldn't feel the same way about me, but I couldn't.. I had a boyfriend this past summer, and I realized I was still thinking of this other friend, so I broke up with my boyfriend. I talked to my friend about my feelings, he told me he was really surprised and he didn't share my feelings as I had expected.. I have been infatuated over this guy for so long, I find myself thinking about him all the time.. Even in the most random conversation I have, I always think "Oh what would he be saying if he were in my place here".. I don't have that thing called self confidence... I am pretty lousy at expressing myself verbally, I am one of the worst speakers I've ever seen.. and I want to study politics, and I don't see myself qualifying for that at all..

I have really been trying to talk well, I can't do it, and the fact that most of my friends around me being great speakers just makes me feel inferior.

I just want high school to end so that I can get over my feelings for the friend I mentioned, though I'm pretty sure we'll keep in contact after we graduate so I don't know how that will happen.

I want to improve my communication skills with people.. I always feel nervous/awkward when I'm talking to people even sometimes when its one of my close friends.. It's even worse when I talk in front of a crowd..

I also can't get along with my family at all, I just feel like I wouldn't like them as a person if they weren't part of my family.. I just want to go away from home..

I seem to think about my negative qualities all the time, right now I just don't have the motivation to do anything.. The thing is I am much interested in social change and social movements but I can't even change my personal self..

I don't really know how this forum works.. But if there are people that could talk to me about this it would be great, I will also check past topics...


getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42531
   Posted 1/8/2009 1:06 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Eliy,

Coming here is a good start. So welcome to the forum. You will find that there are a lot of kind and considerate people here.

I find talking on here is much easier than talking to people in person. I am not good at that either. It is hard for me to get my feelings out in the open. Half the time, I don't even know how I feel. I am not any good at talking on the phone even, so I can understand how you feel.

Hopefully we can help you some, though we are not professionals, just other members with depression.

Have you gone to any counseling? That could be a start. Even group therapy would help you to express your feelings and get some feed back.

I hope that this helps in some small way. I am sorry people call you a pessamist. You don't sound like one on here. So maybe this is just a temporary thing that you are going through.

There is an online site that might help you and it is free.


Type that in and see what it is like.

Best wishes for a wonderful day

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 1/8/2009 1:17 PM (GMT -6)   
Heej Eliy,

Welcome to HW! I saw you in the chat just a little earlier, I am there now too if you want to have a chat about something.

I can relate to a lot of things you are mentioning, especially how what you say about talking in groups. But for everything you say, I believe you can overcome it. For instance, a very good friend of mine doesn't say anything when around strangers, only a yes or no when he has to. People sometimes think he is a bit weird, and he just don't mind them thinking that, he is ok with it. But once he is around familiar folks, he is one of the nicest guys I know.

Hmm, maybe that wasn't a very good example, but anyway, I think there is one person on this entire world thinking bad about your verbal skills, and that is you. For instance, what you wrote here is wonderful! We depressed tend to think bad of us, while we most of the time are the only ones who do. Myabe you could sum op your good qualities, rather than your bad ones. Just think of the positive as well as the negative.

And it seems you are a bit obsessed with the love for that particular guy. As an 18-year-old myself, I know it can be really overwhelming, when all the hormones are rushing through your veins. But obsessive love is not a very good thing I believe, at least not in my case. When I thought about it, I was self-absorbed. I wanted a gf for my own good will, not for the happiness of the other. That helped me a lot in overcoming that obsessive aspect of love, and create more love towards the world, not just a single person.

But you are in chat now, so I will skip the rest :)

Take care!
Acceptance is the key

The World is but a reflection. Smile, and it will smile back.

Try to keep smiling! :)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2317
   Posted 1/8/2009 3:33 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Elli,
I felt the same way you did in high school. I felt awkward & thought that nobody really liked me. It turned out that things weren't as bad as I thought & people didn't think the worst of me. When I started college I found an art therapist. She really helped me a lot. I was able to draw what I was feeling & she helped me learn how to express the same thing in words. A lot of people said it made a big difference & I started feeling more confident about talking with friends and guys.

It is so hard to spend so much time thinking about a guy & working up the courage to tell him about it, only to be told he doesn't feel the same way. I felt that way about a good friend of mine. I really thought we'd be perfect together because I trusted & respected him more than anyone. It took me two and a half years to finally tell him how I felt & then he said he really just thought of me as a friend. We're still best friends, and now I'm cool with that. It took me a while & a lot of prayers, but I did move past it. I finally made a choice to start dating different guys & look at it just as practice for when a good one came along. Most of them were horrible, but I did learn a lot and eventually met a really sweet, wonderful guy. He is so nice & feels the same way about me as I feel about him. Looking back, I realize it was a blessing that it didn't work out with my friend because I would have never met the great guy I'm going out with now. I definitely was heartbroken at the time, so I do understand what that's like to feel like you'll never get over him, but I'm sure you will work hard and find a way to move on and will find someone even better. :)

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/8/2009 3:41 PM (GMT -6)   
Dear Elli
Welcome to HealingWell and you have already met 3 of our wonderful members.  Karen is kind and caring and she will never steer you wrong.  You can trust her to be supportive and caring to all.
Frances is wise and you will find her to be very empathetic, read her post well.
And Erik is a young man with who is wise beyond his years.  He is closest to you in age and therefore he does know what your going through.
I am Kitt and I am the Grandma of the group.  I have had depression for 28 years now and also have Anxiety and Panic Attacks.  I am so glad you found us.  You can trust the people in this forum to be here for you.
Keep posting and let us help you.
Gentle Hugs to you

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

New Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 1/8/2009 3:54 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Elli,
I have a pretty good idea of what you are going through. im a senior in high school and CANNOT wait to get out of there. my boyfriend of 8 months broke up with me in the fall (and i am still very much in love with him) and i feel as if a lot of so-called "friends" have turned on me...i too feel like nobody likes me.
but you have to realize the good qualities in you, which i am sure theyre are MANY. i bet your a great person with a ton of potential...and you will eventually find yourself and realize that you are a great person.
if you ever need anyone to talk, let me know. im also new to this and am still getting the gist of things.

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 75
   Posted 1/9/2009 12:11 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Elli

We spoke yesterday on chat but I can't believe how similar your feelings are to mine, I also can't believe that you find it hard to talk to people and are nervous/anxious when talking in front of friends or anyone because you came across as an extremely intelligent girl. I really cant believe how similar we are, the lack of motivation, nervousness when talking in front of people, the relationship trouble, the only difference is I rarely get angry. Have you had any help regarding your problems with communication? Counselling? Maybe that would be beneficial for you, I'm looking to get some help myself as I think that is my biggest problem, I'm even scared to go out just because I hate the fact I'm so quiet and unassuming around everyone, even family, I just dont understand why I'm like this! Anyway, you're an intelligent girl, I hope you get through this.

Post Edited (ad1) : 1/9/2009 3:35:08 PM (GMT-7)

New Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 1/9/2009 2:17 PM (GMT -6)   
I wasn't thinking there'd be so many replies this fast.. Well I met some of you on the chat tool, so nice to meet you all, and thank you for the 'welcomes'.

@getting by (Karen if im not mistaken?),

thank you for the website recommendation I checked the link out, and it seems like it might be useful.. To be honest i first approached it thinking "oh I bet this won't be helpful at all, its one of those cliched psychological help providers but it wont work on me at all" but then it analyzes everything in a logical way and not in a cliche way too, so I'm actually rather positive about it..

I haven't gone for any counseling, I don't really feel comfortable talking about myself normally, especially when speaking out loud.. writing on a website is so much different, its way easier.

@enWayen (Erik)

You asked for me to talk about myself in chat, I couldn't do that that much, I guess I got a little nervous, but thank you for trying to help out. And I also liked your writing "Thoughts", you write in a way that makes it really easy to read.

Well actually I have talked to some friends about this, and I asked them to be honest. That guy friend I mentioned (who is a great speaker), told me I'm pretty bad at expressing myself verbally, and I need to improve.. This is so important to me because I want to be active politically, I go to forums, meet new people and when I do those if I can't talk well then even if I have so much knowledge it is of no use if I can't make an effective speech.. I am better at writing, but speaking, especially in public is so hard for me.. Let alone political issues, even when I just chat about random stuff, I get nervous even with people I know, and I say things that doesn't reflect my actual inner self at all...


Hello. :)

I've never heard of art therapies, and I draw, so that sounds pretty interesting to me.. I'm glad it worked on you..

Well I am hoping my feelings for this guy will pass, because it really puts a pressure on me all the time.. It has almost become like a habit, to think of him all the time and to analyze each of his actions deeply even when it is something simple of no importance...


Nice to meet you, thank you for the information, I am also glad I've found you.. I never thought I'd be able to share the things I write with people, but I am, and it is great that there are people willing to listen and give advice, even if it is on the internet.


Hello, sure I'd like to talk. Someone to talk to helps get through so many things.. You're right, I have to learn to look at things from a positive perspective.. I really know that I have to do this, I can only hope I'll be able to apply it into actual life..


Hello ady,
You don't know how great it is to find someone relating to yourself so well.. Yeah I really don't know why I'm like this too! It's as if I'm a different person when I'm by myself, and when I'm with other people I can never put my real self out there. Even when I get talkative its usually someone else speaking but not my actual self.. If you see what I mean..
I usually don't show my anger, but I find myself angry and tense with unimportant issues..
I haven't had any help for communication no.. Do you mean something like public speaking classes?

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42531
   Posted 1/9/2009 2:23 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Elli,

I too have problems talking to people and even over the phone to people that I know. I talk to strangers easier. But I find that I like to write. So I do much better on the forum than I do in person. I am sure that you can understand that.

But if you want to get into political things, you will need to learn to speak in public. I guess I would recommend practice.

I didn't even finish college because of speech class. I think it would be easier for me now, but it would still be hard.

Hopefully we can help you some. And you do really well on the forum and in chat. So don't give up. Keep trying, eventually you will be able to do what you want to.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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