Coming here is a good start. So welcome to the forum. You will find that there are a lot of kind and considerate people here.
I find talking on here is much easier than talking to people in person. I am not good at that either. It is hard for me to get my feelings out in the
open. Half the time, I don't even know how I feel. I am not any good at talking on the phone even, so I can understand how you feel.
Hopefully we can help you some, though we are not professionals, just other members with depression.
Have you gone to any counseling? That could be a start. Even group therapy would help you to express your feelings and get some feed back.
I hope that this helps in some small way. I am sorry people call you a pessamist. You don't sound like one on here. So maybe this is just a temporary thing that you are going through.
There is an online site that might help you and it is free.
Type that in and see what it is like.
Best wishes for a wonderful day
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies