Hey guys, I'll preface this post with a short bio. I'm currently a 20 year old male with a problem that I never thought I'd have...I don't think it's severe but I feel it's on its way there.
First off, I feel like I always have low energy, I don't know if this is biological or psychological (or both). I can't explain it but one thing I do know for sure is I hate it with a passion. I think the mental aspect severally limits the physical aspect of myself and causes me to constantly feel depressed.
With school for instance, I feel like it's not helping me in terms of achieving my goals, I'm sort of just sliding forward (albeit getting good grades) but I just feel like all the work I'm putting in is useless. I'm sort of a secular thinker in a way and I constantly hate the fact that I'm forced to learn things I know I'll never use in the future. It's the way I am with many things, and I'm sure that line of thinking may have its benefits somewhere else...but in this case it's terrible. I also feel like I never live up to my full potential, like I can do and say so much more during school and class, but I don't...and when I don't I feel like crap, which snowballs all the other problems I'm having.
Or it could just be with someone at my school that I like but can't find the courage to 'act' normal around. It's like some kind of evolutionary compulsion to act stiff and weird, which is unusual because that's not how I normally act (except, of course, in the above example of speaking up during class). In a way, I sort of wish I didn't have these feelings towards this person [that I like] because I feel it makes me awkward to the point of avoiding them (and from what it seems, it's like they're avoiding me because I do act differently around them, much more differently, could just be cognitive dissonance on my part but I don't know). I'm normally not shy and could speak up and have a conversation with anyone (or make a speech and not get nervous), but not around this person, it makes me look like such a tool.
And I'm not done, because there's like so many things I want to do in life...but feel I'm overwhelming myself, but then I get thoughts that it's simply my way of procrastinating. I know that I want to lose some weight/get in shape and do a bunch of other 'selfhelp-related' things, however I feel I keep making excuses and have a severe lack of energy that literally makes me angry. Like I said I always feel overwhelmed...
The sad part is I feel like I have all this potential and I'm constantly not living up to it. I also feel if I try to hard I'll get overly exhausted and get even more sluggish. I really don't know what to do, I mean do I just start small or do I just go cold-turkey and simply change everything at once? I'm just afraid of failing and going back to square one. And what I do about the person I really like at school, I don't necessary want to "ask them out", I just want to be friends with them and not act like such a awkward weirdo. The one thing I don't want is this attachment (in terms of attraction) to stick with this person, I want to simply see them as 'another person', because not only do I want to act normal but I also don't want to be in a position where I can't have something I really wanted, and thereby get extremely depressed. I hate having an attachment I have little to no control over, absolutely cant stand it.
And what can I do about the severe lack of energy I constantly have? It's embarrassing, it drives me crazy, I mean, where do I start? Perhaps some light jogging with my favorite music, I really don't know, I don't know where to begin, it really makes me feel like crap.