I appreciate your kind words. It does seem that a lot of females in the workplace can be katty. Problem is, I have always been a good employee, coming in and doing my job, sometimes staying until 8 or 9pm. Now I find it hard to concentrate, I don't want to go in and over this past year I had a tendency to go in a little later and sometimes take Mondays off. I know she did not like it and said something to me a few times. I have made a resolution that I am just going to go in at my designated time and do my job. Since she and I do not get along, she actually questioned my integrity, she hired someone else to be her direct assistant and she is now doing what has always been my job. I am now doing another person's job, which I am slowly learning, as that person will be retiring in the spring. In a way it is a good thing as it takes me out of her direct line of fire, but I still have to deal with my sr. boss, the one I have had since day 1. I have known for quite some time that I should move on, but this is like another family to me and I was comfortable. I am not good with change.
However, the negative and derrogatory comments have become commonplace and I am finding my self confidence running for the door.
I know I am better than this, I just cannot seem to quell the panic and anxiety. It reminds me of when I was a kid. There was this girl who was bothering me, and rather than deal with it, I transferred to a different class. So here I am, at 51 yrs, back where I was then. You would think I would have learned something. Instead, the tears just come and I feel like an idiot and appear weak. I hate it.
I have been on some interviews, but no one is pounding at my door. I am not sure what I expected. However I do know that it will be difficult to find a new position at the salary I have now. I also know that I will not make any moves which are not 100% right for me. I have this fear that they will fire me and I will be unemployed, my husband is going to school, we won't be able to pay for our home etc etc etc. I know that is the panic building up. I can feel it now as I type this. I am trying to learn to talk myself down, take deep breaths. I cannot tell you how much I want to be happy and enjoy this life. Right now I don't feel like that will ever come.
Anyway, I appreciate your writing and thanks for listening. Sorry to be so whiny.