How do you get beyond the past when it is still affecting you in the present?
I try sometimes, but today I am having a really hard time. My family knows that I have back problems, but what they don't know is that my docs told me it is because I got a fractured vertebrae when I was younger that was never treated. Let's just say that it was not due to any accident & leave it at that. I try not to tell them b/c there's nothing that can be done about
the past anyways so no reason to make them feel all guilty for either 1) causing it or 2) sweeping it under the rug rather than taking me to the doctor when it first happened.
I get so angry at them sometimes when they tell me that it's not fair to tell them I am depressed about
my pain. I think that's really lousy of them. I had to put up with all their garbage for years & now they tell me that I am expected to attend family functions but that I better come prepared with a list of happy topics to discuss. Ohhh, I can think of several choice words I'd like to scream at them instead!!! I'm really mad right now b/c there's an event scheduled for tomorrow & I'm under a lot of pressure to go but I am so furious. It's not fair of ME to tell THEM anything that could possibly make THEM the slightest bit uncomfortable??!!! What about
all the discomfort I felt during years of brutal beatings, broken bones & all (this isn't the first by far to be found that either didn't heal or healed crooked) all the while keeping quiet about
everything. I am SICK of the silence! In a fit of rage I just want to scream at them that they are entirely to blame for my problems. My mom keeps asking me why the docs can't figure out what caused my back pain. Well, they figured it out some time ago. I've just kept quiet about
Oh, I don't know. It probably is a bad idea to tell them. They are horrible people. My sister's the only good one of the bunch & she has the same probs I do. OHHH, so angry!
Okay, I'm done with my crazy screaming fit. :) Seriously, has anyone found a good way to deal with something like this? Sometimes I just skip the family functions. Maybe I just need a new phone number & a fresh start. I don't know. It's okay if you all don't have any thoughts, but if you do I will listen well b/c I just want things to get better. I'm not normally so angry like this all the time, just when I'm told I have to play "happy, happy". I really don't like that. I'm not depressed all the time any more; just sometimes things get overwhelming. Maybe I need to plan to disconnect my phone when I get too down about
things so they can just leave me alone?
Sorry, hope it's okay to post this. I know you all have enough problems of your own without borrowing my troubles. I just thought maybe someone would know how to handle this better than me.
PS - I have mice that moved into my house & they are freaking me out so if you could say a prayer that I will catch them all before bedtime b/c I really need to sleep that would be great. Thanks.