Aurora has some good advice for you. I think that a support group would help you. But that is entirely up to you. And as she said, there is no time limit on grief. We all grieve in our own unique way and there are no rights and wrongs where that is concerned.
I hope that coming here is helping you. I can tell you need some support and that you are really hurting. Like Aurora said, if the tears want to come, let them out. It is healthy to cry. It releases so much and cleanses us.
Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.