Some years ago I found out I had Hep C, I managed to deal with that am thankfully am living very healthily with it, then last year my ex took my 4yr old for 3mths and sexually abused him while he was with him, I have been fighting the family court since then to keep him away from my son but they seem stuck on the fact that they share DNA even though my son says straight out what he did and that he doesnt want to see him they still want my son to continue a relationship with his abuser, I was just managing to hold on then just prior to X-mas my 10yr old son was killed in a tragic accident, it was so sudden, I kept myself sane by trying to keep myself busy, we moved house to make a fresh start to a beautiful little place, but now things are settling down his death is really hitting me, no one seems to understand that I am going through something huge, I am only 30, my mother died when I was only 14 and my father and I arnt particulary close. I have a boyfriend of two years that lives with me but he doesnt get it and I cant talk to him about it. I feel like my whole life is to serve others, I am the only one who does anything around the house, and I get no appreciation for that but theres a shocker, I love him to death but since we moved here hes been at me so much I cant breathe, I am so scared, I cant fall apart because thats the last thing I can do in the middle of a custody fight, but I cant talk to anyone I know either, my boyfriend isnt usually this heartless person hes been lately and if I talk to anyone I know they will hate him and they will never forgive him for putting me through so much more crap when I really dont need it. I have never gone to a site like this before I dont know what to expect or what I even want out of it, but I needed to talk because no one that "cares" will actually listen. I just feel so lost all the time, sometimes I dont even know why I bother getting up in the morning because its just another day of pain, the only thing that gives me any comfort is my son who is now about to turn 5 he feels like the only thing I have left. I dont know if I am depressed, grieving (badly), or just being a sook, but it just feels like life keeps throwing me curve balls and they keep hitting me in the face.