It has been awhile since i have been online. You can follow my story by earlier posts.
Briefly my wife moved out and soon after I was diaignosed with chronic depression and mild hypomania, which delayed my discovery of nearly two decades of depression.
I have concluded almost six months of P.doc sessions and have come to grips with my separation and recent bankruptcy. One year to the day of my wife leaving me she called and wanted to get back (move back in) together. She cant seem quite yet to divorce me. I was hesitant and insisted on family therapy in this phone converstion if she wanted to proceed. In the following weeks i attempted to set a time to "talk", I believe I may have called it a "date". Both times she was busy with moving from her apartment to another, that truly did make sense! In the meantime I was in the process of getting an appointment with a family therapist. Three weeks latter I emailed her on a time for our first therapy session and was told via email since i make no attempt to "talk" she did not wish to follow-up on changing things.
A few things come to mind:
A. She needed a place to live hence the call
B. By blaming me "again" that (i didnt drop everything and talk) It was my fault. This is a continuation of a theme "everything is my fault".
In a follow up conversation she told me that "the problem may rest with her", and told me that she would shut out my family (and her family also) because they "took my side". My wife shut out over the years many of her own family and friends. I just listened, as she continued a theme of "they are all against me" and "I will shut them out" Even if we got back together.
This is unacceptable!
Many things i know, my wife suffers from depression, abandonment and control issues. She is money centric also. My question is this:
My wife in a round about way is asking for help! I will not go back to how things worked before, she made the descisions and I followed, that was my chronic depression talking. Today I am much better but wish to help my estranged wife. I did visit my P. Doc one more time and she worried could I do this and not become personally invovled. Good question! I desire to help my estranged wife, but i am absolutly convinced i cannot "carry her over the goal line". Her limited contact with family and friends makes it difficult to help her by having others encourage her to seek help! Besides my attempt was rebuked by "I've tried that before" on the other side I am in a place where my confidence has returned. I believe by helping her I am helping our baby daughter.
I am a realist, only she can make a change, I need the right words or actions to convey help!