I'd like to introduce myself to all Y'all. My name is Pete from S.E. Fla. and my spelling is terrable! (SORRY!) I am a regular poster on both the prostate cancer and cronic pain forums and as you can see by my history I'm not new to this, only to your forum. I have been fighting depression from both hormonal and unknown reasons for years. I've taken almost all the common anti depressions over the years starting with Prozac way back when to Effecsor which I am currently taking 150 mgs per day.
Last Friday I had an eppisode which really scarred me. I cried for two days straight and became almost uncontrolable with yelling and screaming at times although I was alone. I imagined all kinds of horrable things about my wife of 28 years and friends which I know now were totally irrational. Along with so many others the ecomomy and my job have me all bunged up right now but there are loads of other things going on in my life which make it harder to fight this monster now that it's been in a long time. The cronic pain and narcotic pain meds I take for it make everyday chores like getting up and driving to work and staying awake pretty difficult as prior to last week I worked long hours generally over 50 hours a week with an hour commute in the S.E.Fla. traffic each way even with a pot and a 1/2 of self ground Samallian Java a day! My hormoans are also a mess and have been for a long time which I'm trying with the help of several doc's to get under control. I lost my thyroid to cancer about 10 years ago and never really got the thyroid replacement meds dialed in to where they should be. But the worst was after my radical prostatectomy for cancer a little over 5 years ago, I went through the worst 3 & 1/2 years of my life not knowing what was wrong with me and a hoard of doc's, speciallist and shrinks with their barrage meds couldn't diognose or fix my problem either. It becames so bad I came very close to ending my life and if it were not for my wife and two boys, I'm sure I wouldn't be here today. It turned out that the physical stress of the surgery caused my testicles to stop producing testosterone and I had a condition called hypogonadizm. I was at castration levels of "T" when a Doc finally figured it out. I was basically going through a type of male metapause which cause me to become extreamly tired all the time, have drenching hot flashes, became confused constantly, cried like a baby for no reason at all usually at the worst possible times (I work in construction) and worst of all absolutly NO sex drive! Once discovered, I thought it would be an easy fix> NOT! Anyone who knows anything about prostate cancer knows that it feeds and grows on testosterone. So my doc said giving you T replacement theropy would be like throwing gasoline on fire. Finally kowing what was wrong with me sent me on a quest searching for a doc who would help me, I was willing to take the risk of getting the cancer back which at least I could fight, I couldn't fight or live in this state I was in. After seeing a barrage of endocrinologist, urologist, hormoan specialists and internist it was always the same answer, NO! I was at the point of heading to the underground bodybuilding faternity to get myself some illegal "T". But almost like my guardian angel was watching and said, Pete has had enough, it happened! I was at an "US TOO" meeting (a prostate cancer support group) I met a Doc, a brilliant urologist about my age and told him my dilema. He said it was quallity of life issue and no one but me should descide on how I was going to live my life. He agreed to treat me under close suppervision. Long story>Short> It's been 2 & 1/2 years of testosterone replacement treatment and I still have no sign of cancer! The only problem is he keeps my levals at the lower range of normal which I want to change but just can't get him to up it signifigantly yet! So friends, thats my story in a nut shell even though it was a total babble which probably bored y'all to death by now! I am scared! The other forums are loaded with caring compassionet people and I was hoping I might find the same here. I need support and help. I'm sure many of you have depression that makes mine look like a 10 year old's birthday party and there is surely much knowlage here. Please, if you have any suggestions, comments or similar symptoms, please share them with me!!
Your hormoanal depressed friend,
55 years old, Surgury, Radical Prostatectomy 8/20/03, PSA 6.6, Gleason 3 + 3 = 6, Adenocarcinoma extent (moderate) Stage & Margin:T2NOMX, No Metastases, Organ Confined, bone scan: Neg. 3 1/2 years of depression after surgery prior to Hypogonadizm DX, Testosterone Theropy (Testim Gel)since 12/06 but switched to a higher dose of (Androgel) 6/08. 55 and still alive and so glad to still be here to see my two sons grow up to be fine young men. They are both serving in the US Navy, one on an aircraft carrier heading for Hong Kong and the other on a Gator Freighter stationed in Norfolk, Va. I am one proud PaPa!