Hello my friend, this is Kitt and I understand many of your problems. I have had depression for 25 years or so. During that time frame I lost a son to a car crash, my parents died........my dear Father from pancreatic cancer in one short month when I was 39. My depression was well controlled for all those years even thow I went through hell many times but in 2005 I crashed, major meltdown and now over 3 years later we are still doing the dance of the medications.
I have found therapy to be helpful as it makes me see how my stinkin thinkin gets in the way of what is really happening.
I have a herniate disc and when using Vicodin RX for the pain but I feel the med really messed with my AD's.
I would look carefully at your cocktail of meds.
When I first joined HW I took the position of Mod on Prostate Ca as it was open and I had so many family members that had cancer or gone through it. I was thrown into a deep hole by the reception I received from some of the members and nearly left HW. I was chastised for not having a husband with Prostate Cancer...........I got hate emails telling me to shut up. It was only a few, but when you have depression it only takes a few and I was fresh from a major melt down. The sad part is my husband did develop prostate cancer and had a radical protatectomy in August. But the good part is I am still here and I have continued giving 100% to the members and I am proud of that. I receive so much more then I give.
So yes depression and anxiety stink but we can get through this disorder together. Glad to have you with us :)
I am just very happy I have stuck with HW as there are so many wonderful members here and in all the forums.
Have you ever done the CBT therapy. There is a free online version...........
Cognitive-behavioral therapy is based on the idea that our thoughtscause our feelings and behaviors, not external things, like people, situations, and events. The benefit of this fact is that we can change the way we think to feel / act better even if the situation does not change.
Here is the link for the Mood Gym: http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome
Please take care and know we are here to support you.