I'm not having a good day, have felt down today. Finding out that I won't be able to start school until August and I feel like maybe it's too big of a thing, wondering if I can hack it. I'm tired of being so isolated, I'm tired of talking to myself a lot, tired of feeling guilty as a mother, tired of spending way too much time on the computer and I'm just tired of who I am sometimes. I'm going to have to keep looking for work and it seems too time consuming, wondering if I'll be happy doing whatever job I may get and not feeling confident about
working. Feeling stupid that I didn't answer my phone today because someone called me from a number I didn't recognise and the only thing I thought of was that it was a potential job. They didn't leave a message which dampered it even more, I guess they don't want to mess around if people don't answer their phones. I'm feeling so unsure about
I feel like my life is what I make of it, so it's my fault. I just want so badly to take initiative over my life and DO something to change my circumstances! I'm nothing but a hermit and a computer addict. I wish I could wake up everyday and not care about this darn thing so much and get out there and actually be present! It sounds so stupid I know and I feel even more stupid because I know that I am the only one to change my circumstances so why is it so hard? I guess from this day forward I need to make some changes because I can't do this anymore. I feel like I'm wasting everyday of my life being a hermit and the computer is my only way to the outside world, at least it feels that way. I have no confidence and I have no self esteem.
Dx Bipolar II Jan 2009
Taking 100mg Lamictal and 25mg Strattera.
Post Edited (wishdreamhope) : 2/18/2009 4:52:33 PM (GMT-7)