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New Member

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 2/25/2009 4:55 PM (GMT -6)   

I'm a guy my mid-30s, and think I have been depressed for most of my life.

I am normally a very reserved person, and I don't really make friends easily because I'm overly guarded. Some people have a filter in their heads that keeps them from saying tactless things- mine keeps me from saying much of anything. Last year, I became so frustrated with my last job due to boredom that, when one of my best friends asked me if I wanted to move, I jumped at the chance. So I moved to a suburb of NYC at the end of last year, and moved in with her and her long term boyfriend. Since the old place was too small, we moved into a larger place. I put down the deposit and first month's rent because I had the cash. But it pretty much cleaned me out, and the job I had lined up fell through due to the recession. I still haven't found anything.

Six weeks later, we had a discussion about finances, during which the boyfriend threatens to a) kick me out if I can't pay the rent; and b) kick my ass because my friend is stressed out. It's not like I'm not actively looking for a job. I'm not even getting call-backs from grocery stores for part time jobs. Meanwhile, he has been on unemployment for months and has hardly looked for a job because he feels like he's better off on unemployment. He was annoyed by the fact that he would actually have to try to find a job soon. He says he wants to help me, but he has been unemployed for so long that I feel his help would be of limited value. And his  doesn't make me trust his judgment either.

They also complained that I spend time alone in my room. Some days I get really down about things, and really don't want to be around anyone. So I go online and fill out job applications, and do the things I think I should be doing to get a job. But I don't eat, I sleep a lot, and sometimes I just stare blankly at the ceiling and wonder why I feel so empty. Occasionally I have headaches and bouts of vomiting from the stress. This week I have been going to the park and watching the ducks swim around. It would be nice if it weren't so windy and cold.

Rent is due in 3 weeks, and I don't have it. I can sell my car, and will probably have to. If have thought that if I got enough money for it I could move again, maybe out of the country. I know someone in Nicaragua who could help me get started. I came up here to start a new life with friends, and now I feel more alone than ever. I'm also contemplating joining a Buddhist monastery. eyes

I feel a little better just posting this. I'm so locked in my head that independent perspectives seem necessary. I don't know what I'm looking for as far as answers go. Validation? Compassion? Or maybe I just want to feel like I'm trying to fix myself.
1. No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence. (ie. illicit drug use, including medical marijuana use, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm).  Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 2/25/2009 4:43:02 PM (GMT-7)

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 2/25/2009 6:39 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Serutan,

Welcome to HealingWell. I am so happy that you popped in. There is a truly wonderful group of members here who are very understanding and compassionate. Hopefully we can give you some tips to help you along.

Have you checked with your local employment department? Also it is good to keep going back to the places that you have put applications in to let them know that you are truly interested. I got a few jobs by bugging the places where I wanted to work.

I think it is good that you are getting out and walking around. Often that helps with depression. Do you go to any type of counseling? There are programs that help you when you don't have money.

Since you have been staying with your friends for a few months now, I could see where they would want you to get a job and honestly I think that would be good for you. I would keep trying and I am sure that something will come up.

I hope that You are able to do what makes you happy. Whether it be working or moving. Try not to stress too much over it, that just makes you more anxious and depressed. But it is getting time for you to make some decisions. I would be appreciative of your friends since they have been letting you stay there. Especially with rent time coming. Not a lot of people would be as accomdating. Either way it is up to you what you do. If you owe rent, you need to figure out a way to pay it. I am sorry that you might have to sell your car.

I hope that things get better for you. Let us know how things are going.

  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 2/25/2009 7:43 PM (GMT -6)   

Hi Serutan,

Welcome to HealingWell.

I have found the support, validation and encouragement that I receive here, to be so helpful and healing. I hope and trust that will be your experience as a member of the HW family

Please take the time to read the Rules and Guidelines of HealingWell before posting.

Thank you



Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~* *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 363
   Posted 2/26/2009 4:37 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Serutan,
I was thinking that whilst you look for a job, maybe you could try some volunteering, this would help you to get out of the house and take your mind of things & make you feel like your doing something valuable? Just a thought.
This would also maybe help you to meet some more people where you live.
"The Optimist sees the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist stares at the thorns, oblivious of the rose."
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain"

New Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 3/10/2009 7:20 PM (GMT -6)   


It may be best to try and find two part-time jobs so you are able to move out on your own.  Part-time jobs are definately out there if you keep at it.  It sounds like you need to work on becoming more independent.  You did not mention if you have an occupation.  I know college isn't for everyone but there are careers where you only need to attend a vocational school.  You mentioned you became bored with your last job and left it.  All jobs become boring after a while.  If you find little things that make you happy you will not feel so bored.  Try going to the bookstores and learning about jobs and careers and how to better take care of yourself.


Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 489
   Posted 3/13/2009 1:05 PM (GMT -6)   
I would rethink selling your car.If you do that you will be stuck were you are at no matter what.At least with the car you have a place to sleep if you have to.Good luck.
Lost half of my small intestineJan.2008.Ilieostomy for 5 months then reverst in June 2008,Nerve damage to right leg,part of my right hip bone removed Jan. 2008,Cronic pain,hernia,infection in my back called discites,and depression.Gallbladder removed Nov,2008.Surgery to fuse L3 and L4 vertabra Dec. 31,2008.Mother to 9 kids 7 boys 2 girls and 1 stepson.4 grandsons,9 grandaughters.4 of my grandkids I inherited from my twin sister who passed away 6 1/2 years ago from a blood clot after surgery.God has given me my life back after I almost lost it.Even though its a painful and sometimes hard road to walk I take it one step at a time and give thanks to god for every step I take.

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