I feel like you can improve your situation by changing the way you view it. So I'm going to keep trying
Here is a link to the five stages of grief:
Quoting directly from the info on the website:
"Denial is a conscious or unconscious refusal to accept facts, information, reality, etc., relating to the situation concerned. It's a defence mechanism and perfectly natural. Some people can become locked in this stage when dealing with a traumatic change that can be ignored."
"Anger can manifest in different ways. People dealing with emotional upset can be angry with themselves, and/or with others, especially those close to them. Knowing this helps keep detached and non-judgemental when experiencing the anger of someone who is very upset."
It is helpful to understand that her objectional behavior is due to her illness and her trying to adjust to her illness.
There is actually a choice for you to make. You can take everything she is saying personally, get even more depressed, and tell yourself you are a bad person in some way. When we do this, we go on the same roller coaster ride as the person who is ill.
You can recognize she is in denial, anger, or manic espisode and remain detached and objective. You can tell yourserlf, "Oh wow, she is still really in the Anger phase. I'll have to be patient while she continues with her adjustment."
I'm sorry that you're in such a difficult position. I have been thru something similar. It really really helped me to remain detached when my wife was in an anger episode.
I hope this helps in some small way. One purpose of this forum is give people an opporunity to vent and get it all out. Another is to learn an alternative way of looking a situation.
Lyme, anxitey, depression, chronic C. Pnuemoniae
"... expect the unexpected ..." (O. Wilde)
"I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened." (Mark Twain)