This isnt for anything special, I just need to get some things out of my head right now. Im doing lots of thinking right not. I have an appt with a Pdoc Monday. Im really scared and nervous about
it. Its a new place with new people and I dont know what to expect at all. Any advice on that?
Also, Im getting off my Lyrica. I started skipping doses last week, and yesterday I missed. I am having a very hard time dealing with the withdrawal, but Im following the docs instructions. Its been 15 months so I can imagine my body is having trouble adjusting to life without it. I have been in a bad mood all day. Just staying in bed. Hurting more. Feeling quiet, lifeless. Everything is bothering me, over-sensitive to sounds and everything. Feeling paranoid about things. I just took it a while ago and already I feel a little better. So, Im worried about life without my Lyrica. Im starting to wonder if Im doing the right thing. But, I dont want to live life full of meds. Nor a life of pain. Between a rock and a hard place.
Mentally, Im not here right now. Im off in my own world, thinking. Imagining. Im not fully here. I cant help but wonder about everything. Am I doing the right thing. Will people understand me. Im just not sure. I feel locked up from the world and letting the world know Im here is the hardest thing ever. I cant talk to people. Im stubborn and I hold everything in. How am I going to get past that.
I am SO stuck right now. I am only expressing my thoughts here. I feel so trapped. In a round box. Im so far away from reality. I feel like I should be locked up. I need to be away from people. Quiet. I need to figure things out. I havent found my place nor a purpose. Why do things have to be this way. I know its so common for people like us to feel this way. But, I still feel so alone. No one understands what I feel or how I view life or the world. I observe. I analyze. I see. But, I dont understand. I dont see meaning. Nor purpose.
Im so lost right now. Im really stuck and my feelings are all over the place. Everything is rocketing through my head. Through my eyes. And I dont know what to do. What to say. Where to go. Lifeless and meaningless is what is running through my veins. I know something is wrong, but I cant do anything. Im cornered. Somethings wrong with me, I feel it, I know it. My mood, my personality, me, I've changed and I dont approve. I dont like who I am. I hate what I feel. I dont understand what I see.
I only wish to vent this stuff and get it out. I suppose this is my 'diary'.... I just need to talk right now. I have to get all this out. Its killing me. Its overwhelming me. Its suffocating me. And I cant stand it any longer.
Lyrica(14 months) and Paxil(about 6+- months)-both helping some, but would like to see better results
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart
no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to
smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."