Some of you may remember my posts from a few months back that I was having troubles with my boyfriend of four years. Long story short, we had moved back to Florida after spending two years in Iowa (where he grew up) and it seemed like he was trying to "get back at me" for it because he hates Florida. Always complaining, making snide comments, not working or helping pay the bills but also not cleaning or doing anything other than playing his xbox all day. On top of it, he also didn't want me to go out EVER, and would throw a huge fit any time I wanted to have a girls night or even go to my parents. Going out once a week was "completely unacceptable" to him. He is also very insecure and constantly accused me of cheating on him, to the point where he would give me the 3rd degree if he thought my underwear was "too sexy" for work. So naturally this made me want to be home even less and inevitably we grew apart. Fought all the time about everything and the love just turned to complete resentment, especially on my part.
Well, as of Wednesday he will be getting on a plane and going back to Iowa, for good. We shipped what we could of his stuff and the rest he's given away or left for me. At the end of the month my friend Natalie and I are getting an awesome place together which I'm very happy and excited about.
He's been playing the guilt card heavily though. Saying I moved him down here to "steal all his stuff and ruin his life" which is completely ridiculous. If I had the money I would have paid for a moving truck and given him everything, but I don't. It's been very emotionally draining because he goes from saying some of the most horrible, hurtful things I've ever heard in my life, and then saying how much he loves me and how he'll never love anyone again. There's no way possible we could ever go back and make things work again... He's broken my car windshield because I wanted to get away from him when we were fighting, he's told me I'm worthless and don't deserve happiness, he's done everything he could to make me hate him and myself.
I know the pangs of guilt that I'm feeling are mostly from his manipulation, but I still can't help but be a little afraid of the future. I know that this is absolutely for the best and I will be happier, but after all he's put me through is it crazy to be worried about him and his happiness? I suppose that's why I stayed so long, because I was afraid of making him unhappy and afraid of what would happen. And now that it's happening I guess I just still am afraid of the unknown.