You are not alone anymore. You have us now.
This pattern is kind of normal for somebody who is depressed. Sabatoging your own happiness I mean. Sometimes we just don't feel that we deserve to be happy and sometimes we are just comfortable with turmoil in our lives. That can go back to childhood even. Do you see any patterns with that?
Though I do recommend counseling, you have come to a good place for feedback and advice. There are many wonderful people here that can help to lead the way for you. I hope that we can help you.
Have you tried talking to your doctor about any of this? The doctor can find you counseling and maybe put you on some medication that would help you. I really do think that counseling would help.
I am sorry for your lost relationships, but maybe they weren't meant to be anyway. And I am sorry that you see yourself in a negative way. Try to kick that to the curb. You are a wonderful person. So try not to obsess over yourself so much. Your inner beauty will come out. And I know that it is there somewhere. You sound very kind and compassionate and you sound like you have a grip on things, just trying to learn how to change them. That takes time and patience. So remember that.
I hope that your day gets better. Keep posting and we will try to help you sort things out.
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies