Just need advice .

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Cowboy up
Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 52
   Posted 3/9/2009 2:31 PM (GMT -6)   
I am really trying to sort through this. I am frustrated because my wife got called back fropm the counselor and after the 3 week wait  they still havent given her an appointment. I love my wife with all my heart but it is so hard living with someone you love when they just feel like a roomate . I am giving her space and trying to help her without pressureing her. I guess what kills me is I miss her telling me she loves me and I have such a hard time understanding when a person is depressed not feeling any love for the other. On my worst day when I was the most mad I have ever been at her I cant imagine not loving her. I have seen some positive things in the last week ,but this is so hard for me. I noticed she has refering to we have to do this or we will have to do that . Still it is hard when I see her and want to hug her and the best I can do is walk by her and whisper I love her. I have got out of the habit of trying to tell her she has to push her self because I know she cant help it . The best I can do is just keep telling her I love her , beleive in her , and beleive in our marriage and try to be strong for our 2and a half year old son . Sorry guys I am just venting . Do you beleive the little bit of change I see is good. Just looking for hope. 

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Jan 2004
Total Posts : 3447
   Posted 3/9/2009 5:15 PM (GMT -6)   
Short answer: Yes the change is good. Longer answer: As I am the depressed spouse, I can tell you all the things you are saying and doing do help. When I'm depressed I lose the ability to express myself. That doesn't mean I don't love my wife or want to reach out to her, I just am unable to.

Why haven't they given you're wife an appointment yet? I could understand if it was a three week wait to get into see the counselor but not to have given her an appointment yet? Did you make a follow-up call?

Thoughts and prayers are with you and your wife,
Jon,  Co-moderator for Crohn's Disease and Depression forums
"The man who insists upon seeing with perfect clearness before he decides, never decides. Accept life, and you must accept regret." -- Henri-Frédéric Amiel (1821-81), Swiss philosopher, poet 
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Cowboy up
Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 52
   Posted 3/9/2009 6:06 PM (GMT -6)   
She has called 3 times after 3 weeks they called and asked her some questions like are you suicidal. She isnt but God forbid the one that is suicidal and has to wait 3 weeks for a response.They told her the phone call was to see why she needed counseling.Hey family guy that is exactly what she has told me except she hasnt told me she still loves me just that she doesnt know what she feels about anything but our son.I am thankful that she is being caring to him. I really miss her calling me when I am working to tell me something that are son had done or said. As pathetic as this sounds I saved a text message from january telling me she loved me . I just keep telling myself that if she can change that much in 4 weeks that maybe in 4 more things will get better. In the third week in january she was asking our son if he wanted another a little brother or sisterbecause we were planning on trying to have another this summer so it would be born next spring or summer. I really do appreciate your advice . One other thing she did was offered to type something for me friday because she is much faster at typeing then me. This might not seemvery signifacant except a week earlier she bit my head off when I asked her for some help typeing something.
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