Hi- I've always thought of myself as a strong person, but I've been severely depressend now for about 6 months. Before that I was only midly depressed. Mainly because in 2006 I lost a baby due to an ectopic and in 2007 I was diagnosed with Lupus, and my husband is now acting like a total a-hole about both of these things. But, the last 6 months is due to a "friend" of mine ditching me and turning against me at work, when I was promoted. She's made my life a living hell. We were close and shared everything, talked about work, hung out alot-she was fun. Now, I know that she's just extremely mean! She's tried to turn everyone against me at work, and most days I don't leave without having shed tears because of the way she treats me or the cold shoulders that others have turned on me. She's very abrasive! We even sat with our 2 supervisors and talked about this one afternoon because it was getting out of hand. I thought we had come to an understanding and we were going to be okay, but before we left the building she had made a comment to me about trying to talk to a girl and restate what I had to reprimand her for the day before (I'm new, it went horrible the first time and I just wanted to make that clear and apologize) but this friend thought I was just trying to make sure that the other girl was still my friend. Not that it involved her in any way, but I knew that I was being talked about. This girl at work is a bully, and every Wednesday when the other supervisors are gone, she tries to starts things with me. I don't get it-I just pretend that I don't understand what she is trying to say to me, but I know her well enough to know that she's just trying to get me started. Actually, I think she has alot of issues and needs to get a life.
Anyways, between work getting me down and my husband getting me down, I've been so depressed. I don't feel like there is a safe place for me to go anymore without people judging me for the wrong reasons. I'm afraid to talk to my shrink about this too, but I really want to ask her if medicine would help me get over this. Actually I know that putting this girl in her place would make me feel better, but that's not going to happen. I'm doing my best to remain professional-and people see her for what she is-as ass kisser with a bad attitude, but she still somehow has this power over people to make them do what she wants them too. Maybe they are afraid that she will turn on them, and nobody likes to be in this position.
Sometimes I get so down about everything that I wish I was hospitalized-at least I would receive treatment everyday and I could maybe get away from the things that are hurting me so badly. I want to just disappear and hope nobody found me-make people wonder what ever happened to me and start my life new some place else. At least when people started to hurt me I could leave and eventually it would become easier to leave and start over. I used to have such a positive attitude, and lately I'm so angry and sad. I feel so alone. Does medicine help this?
"Challenges make you discover things about yourself you never really knew."
SLE and Class II Lupus Nephritis