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New Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 3/13/2009 7:49 PM (GMT -6)   
I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 7 months now and I love him very much..but sometimes I get depressed. My mind wanders to the thoughts that "I don't deserve him" "He deserves someone better than me, someone who doesn't have issues with depression or self-esteem" "I'm dragging him down in his Christian walk." These thoughts churn my stomach and cause my heart to ache because I can't fathom being without him, but I dont want to cause his ultimate destruction. We're intimate and I know that sounds hypocritical considering we're both christians..but I really don't know what to do..

Post Edited (BellaMuse) : 3/13/2009 6:52:22 PM (GMT-6)

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20282
   Posted 3/13/2009 8:52 PM (GMT -6)   

dear bellamuse. is your partner aware that you are depressed? communication is key. a little thing i've learn't over the journey is: to receive you need to also give. being open and honest is hard, but if you now where you stand this may eleviate future stressors-for you both. i hope things go well for you. Thanx for posting your situation. i hope the community is helpful to you.

take care.


getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42613
   Posted 3/13/2009 10:01 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Bellamuse,

Are you getting any help with your depression? Such as medication or counseling? If not, I think you should talk to a doctor about both. If you are feeling that your depression is dragging him down, then I suggest that you work on getting better so that you two can have the relationship that you want to.

If you don't have these options to you, let me know, there is an online site that could help you.

Best wishes,
Hugs, Karen

  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 3/14/2009 4:27 PM (GMT -6)   

Dear bellamuse,

Welcome to HealingWell and the Depression Forum.  I am glad you found us and I hope that you keep talking to us.  Please do not sell yourself short.  I have a hubby that has stuck by my side through 26 years of depression as I have stuck with him through his medical problems.  Remember we take the good and the not so good but toghether we can do great things.




Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~* *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 1768
   Posted 3/14/2009 11:01 PM (GMT -6)   

I think in any relationship, whether depression is an issue or not, there are times that you wonder if you're good enough, or if he could find someone better. It's natural for any girl to think these things. Just remember, though, that he IS with you, and chooses to be with you. If you weren't good enough, why would he stay?

open up to him. Tell him these insecurities, I'm sure he will understand. Or if he doesn't understand, maybe it will tell him that you need reassuring sometimes. Sometimes just getting it out there, and getting reassurance that "Yes, you're good enough, and I want you" is all you need. I have moments that I tell my boyfriend what I'm really thinking. Sometimes the thoughts when spoken out loud sound irrational, and his reaction is enough to make me think I was silly for even worrying.

As for the depression, look into help for it. It can change things so much for the better.

Let us know how things go. We'd love to hear how things get resolved!

31 yr old female-dx with Crohn's in '97 after emergency resection and appendectomy, 2nd resection '05
Currently on Humira, Prilosec, Effexor, Seroquel, Calcium, Vit D, sublingual B12; phenergan, ultram, clonazepam as needed

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 61
   Posted 3/15/2009 9:43 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for posting.

I understand how you feel, I personally have had many relationship woes in the past.

Most importantly just realize that you have both made a equal decision in being together, he is in no way obligated to be with you so it is obviously where he wants to be. Don't let doubt and despair fill your heart.

Secondly I would suggest that maybe your should take a second look at your choice of religion, if you are following practices that aren't along the lines of what that particular religion believes, maybe it is time for you to question why it is that you chose this faith in the first place. Their are many religions out there and I believe that each person must find his or her own way to God, so I would suggest that you do not let pure tradition and conditioning lead you to feel guilty and immoral. You must take your own spiritual path, because truly no one knows which is right or wrong.

I agree with other posters who say that honesty and openness is very important in a relationship. Talk to your significant other, this is the only way that you will grow closer and the only way to find out if there is truly love in your hearts.

Good luck in all you do and I am here for you if you ever need to talk!

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 48
   Posted 3/17/2009 11:28 AM (GMT -6)   
Definitely talk to your boyfriend about all this! We are all God`s children and he does not expect us to be perfect as none will ever be. Ours is a loving forgiving God. He loves you inspite of your indescretions and does not expect you to be perfect so quit worrying about being so. My 2nd husband and I fought those feelings before we married(lived together 2 years before marrying) all the while going to church regularly. This is not a time to turn away from God so as Dan said you may want to explore others as I have no clue as to you denomination could not begin to advise where to go. Some are more strict and unforgiving(which is so unchristian). Maybe instead of looking at it like you are dragging him down in his christian walk you could look at it as he is lifting you up in yours. Be truthful with him. Talk to us or anybody you can just don`t let this get a hold on you if you can help it. PSALMS 16:1

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 489
   Posted 3/20/2009 2:54 AM (GMT -6)   
It is not unchristian to be intimate with the person that you care so much about.Intimacy is a gift from God.I do not think that God wants use to go sharing intimacy with everyone around but when two people really care for each other it is what is human beings were meant to do.
Lost half of my small intestineJan.2008.Ilieostomy for 5 months then reverst in June 2008,Nerve damage to right leg,part of my right hip bone removed Jan. 2008,Cronic pain,hernia,infection in my back called discites,and depression.Gallbladder removed Nov,2008.Surgery to fuse L3 and L4 vertabra Dec. 31,2008.Mother to 9 kids 7 boys 2 girls and 1 stepson.4 grandsons,9 grandaughters.4 of my grandkids I inherited from my twin sister who passed away 6 1/2 years ago from a blood clot after surgery.God has given me my life back after I almost lost it.Even though its a painful and sometimes hard road to walk I take it one step at a time and give thanks to god for every step I take.

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