I am sorry that you are feeling so down.
You are not a bad person for wanting happiness. And I think that the depressioin is taking over your thinking. So take a step back and access this situation.
Love grows. Even if a person isn't in love with you doesn't mean that they don't love you. It sounds like you are looking for immediate gratification and sometimes that doesn't happen quickly. I mean it takes time to get to that point.
I feel that you are being too hard on yourself right now. Think, relax, breathe, meditate, and just go with the flow for now. You are caught up in a way of thinking right now and that will subside in time. Go with the thoughts, but don't dwell on them. You are young and at the age where we think too deeply. That happens. You are not a mental case, if that is what you are wondering, you are just going through a hard time right now. I am happy that you came here to vent. I think that you need that right now.
As I say, love grows. At first it is usually a physical attraction, but that eventually comes to an end and you find that you love the other person deeply, only in a different way. A way of caring for the other person, wanting them to be happy. And just because you don't feel that way right now, doesn't necessarily mean that wont change. So don't feel guilty for wanting to be happy. That is only human. And I know that you are very human.
Are you seeing anybody right now for counseling? You might need some direction at this time. A way to change your thinking if need be. But I don't think that you are bad for wanting some gratification. Like I say, that is only human. We all go through that. So don't beat yourself up for the way that you feel.
You know for yourelf that another person cannot actually make you happy. They can help to make you happy, but no matter what you think at the time, your happiness is coming from within. It just seems like the other person is responsible for it. They are just helping you along.
It sounds like you fancy this young lady. And maybe you think she doesn't feel the same way. But you don't know that for sure. She might like you a lot more than you realize. It might not be love yet, that comes in time.
So keep trying to learn to make yourself happy. Remember, turn up the corners of your mouth and see how that makes you feel. You might want to check out the laughing buddah. That is cool. It is a good way to take the tension off.
I know that you know how to meditate, try that when you can't sleep. I think that you are trying too hard right now. The answer could be right in front of you and you just can't see it right now. That is normal too. It happens often to me. We have a tendancy to look too hard, when the resolution is right in front of us and naturally it is the last thing that we think of.
Keep trying, I know that you will get through this. You are a wonderful person filled with kindness and compassion. Also understanding of what others are going through. You are truly an asset to this forum. You always have a good answer to other's posts, maybe you have the answer to your own.
I hope that your day gets better. I am glad that you posted. You will get through this, it is just a matter of time. Keep trying, but don't wear yourself out looking for answers, they will come in time.
Take care, my dear friend. You are a wonderful person and never forget that.
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies