Needing Advice....Best friend is in a deep depression

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Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 386
   Posted 3/30/2009 6:42 PM (GMT -6)   
I have wanted to come on to your forum and see if anyone can help me understand/cope with my best friend in all the world, my sister.
She suffered from such a deep depression over 20 yrs ago and has been working with herself, by herself to keep her spirits on the up and up all her life.  She has been hurting herself when she can't get out of a real bad crying episode, she said it helps distract her from her thoughts of not being worthy and such.  Oh, just writing about this makes me want to cry.  I only can see her about once a year, I'm on one coast and she on the other.  We talk via the phone at least a couple times a week.  She lives alone, never been married and has no children.  We are a yr apart, in our 40's.
She does see a therapist, who she likes thank goodness, once a week and I know she is taking Pristiq and I think Xanax.  I guess what I need is some advice on how to be during the        (can I say that) periods.  My heart just breaks for her, but I can't be a good support if I'm upset at her(in my head) for her actions on herself.  I have expressed that it does make me sad when she does it to herself.  I just want others that can relate to share some key things to say and give me a better understanding.
Thanx for your time.

Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 3/30/2009 8:48:00 PM (GMT-6)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 1768
   Posted 3/30/2009 8:00 PM (GMT -6)   
It's wonderful that even though you are miles apart, you are still close. Just the fact that you are here at HW for her is a wonderful thing.

Do you think she talks to her therapist about hurting herself? I'd say encourage her to talk about it, and maybe the therapist will have suggestions on how to not get to that point. I've never been in that situation so I don't have a solution myself. Also, if she is on antidepressants, but is still having really bad crying episodes, maybe that medicine isn't working for her. Has she thought about trying something else to see if it helps more?

Just the fact that you are there for her is good. I find that just having someone tell me they're there for me helps. Continue to be there, and let her know that she can talk/vent about anything. Aside from that, ask her if there's anything else you can do to help.

I hope things get better for her. You're being such a good sis caring for/about her!

31 yr old female-dx with Crohn's in '97 after emergency resection and appendectomy, 2nd resection '05
Currently on Humira, Prilosec, Effexor, Seroquel, Calcium, Vit D, sublingual B12; phenergan, ultram, clonazepam as needed

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42610
   Posted 3/30/2009 9:52 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Binki,

I am sorry that I had to edit your posts but it is the rules. I would suggest that the best thing that you can do for your sister is 1) try to get her to talk to her therapist about this and 2) Continue to be there for her.

You can't make her do anything that she doesn't want to. I can understand that, but you can try to encourage her to get some help. I know that she is trying, but as was stated above, maybe she needs some different meds.

I understand how you feel, watching as your sister goes through this and how helpless it can seem. Just keep trying to guide her along and I am sure that things will get better. My thoughts are with you and your sister.

Best wishes to you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 386
   Posted 3/30/2009 9:58 PM (GMT -6)   

I have suggested to change up her meds, but she hasn't made the effort into the docs office yet. A few months ago she was having panic attacks and they added the pristiq. I know she talks to her therapist about it when she finds it necessary for her. I wish she could see him twice a week instead of once. She pays for him out of her own pocket.

My sis worries about me so with my fibro, but I think she has it worse. When I go out to visit her in about 6 weeks I am going to try to introduce her to this forum. She had tried one other website forum and she just thought it was too depressing. The people sharing were in some awful bad spots in their life at that time I guess. She doesn't tend to hang out on the computer much, so I think I will expose her to you guys.

Dx Fibro 1/2008, gastritis
600mg Gabapentin, 50mg Pristiq, Ultracet and/or Fentanyl patch as needed, Vitamin D3, Menopausal Support Multi-vitamin

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 3/30/2009 11:10 PM (GMT -6)   

I can't really add anything to the wonderful advice you've already received, but I wanted to say I think it's terrific that you are such a support to your sister. As the others have said, knowing that you love her and are there for her is a very great source of help to her. I'm glad you are going to visit her in 6 weeks. The anticipation of your visit will be good for her, and you will have a chance once you get there to give her that love in person. I wish you and your sis all the best.
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