First of all, it is OK to experience the emotions you have right now. There is nothing wrong about
it, and there is nothing wrong about
being gay. You are showing great courage by letting us know, so give yourself a pat on your back for that!
I just turned 19, so not a very long time ago I was 14 as well. The love I felt back then wasn't fake or anything, but it was a hormone driven roller-coaster. How cruel it may sound, it is somewhat natural to feel so deeply and hopelessly in love as you do. You aren't the only one. And maybe even more important, it will go away. As Scorpion said, one day you can look back and have a laugh at yourself. But that doesn't mean it wouldn't or shouldn't hurt you now.
Maybe you are thinking he is the only one, the "one". Well, it can definitely feels like that in the midst of all it, but Ryan, I can and will assure you that there are so many people out there who love and care for you. And they will find you.
And Ryan, I am just assuming now, but one person isn't enough to put all of your faith in. Your friends are the ones you have to built on, as loving someone can cause you to create certain expectations of that person, and once he breaks those you are back in that dark hole again. As someone who never had a relationship I can assure you that there are still so many people out there that do care for you. Loving someone and wanting to have a relationship are entirely different things. I mean, isn't love nothing more than wanting the best for the other? A relationship is often based on wanting things for yourself as well (like company, support, sex, etc.).
And the last thing, talking about
it does help if someone wants you to be happy. If you don't find it comforting telling it to your parent's, than wait with it for a while. Do what you think is best. If you think it would help if we'd have a chat sometimes, either in the chatroom here on HW or with an IM, just let me know. If there is anything I can do for you, let me now OK?
Ryan, take care, and things WILL get better, promise!
Acceptance is the key
The World is but a reflection. Smile, and it will smile back.Try to keep smiling! :)