I think im gay.. but im in love with a straight guy..

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New Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 4/3/2009 11:35 PM (GMT -6)   
i do not know what to do.... i am 14 years old and im gay.. sometimes i think im in hell because life just sucks so much... i mean just because of my sexual preference i am a complete outcast.. so i have to hide myself from the world.. which is worst than anything.. i have to constantly lie to all of the people i love and i just cant handle it anymore... the boy i love is madly in love with his girlfriend.. i know im in love with him i just know it ive never felt this way before its not just a crush or whatever.. i feel like i need to tell somebody that im gay.. but my best friend likes me so i cant even tell her it seriously sounds like the plot of a movie i just dont understand why i have to suffer like this.. its not my choiceto be gay its just how i was born and now i have to suffer... i cant be someone im not and i just dont know what to do i really need help... also my mom is insane and she doesnt understand anything.. my dad only wants me so he doesnt have to pay for the child support and my step dad is a complete ****** to everybody... i cant tell anybody anything about me without being completely rejected please i need some help cry

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 4/3/2009 11:58 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Ryan,

I'm sorry for all that you are going through. It's very painful to be in love with someone who can't return your affections, and it takes time to get past such deep feelings. I know it's difficult to believe this now, but you will eventually meet someone who you're compatible with.....someone you can be honest with, who will share your feelings. You don't have to hide yourself from us.....we are here to listen and talk things over with you.

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 63
   Posted 4/4/2009 12:05 AM (GMT -6)   
Love is blind, that is the main problem!

you see the fact is that you need to be who you are, and as for the being in love part - don't dare worry bud... love is like the flu once you're over it you can have a laugh

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 4/4/2009 4:26 AM (GMT -6)   
Heej Ryan!

First of all, it is OK to experience the emotions you have right now. There is nothing wrong about it, and there is nothing wrong about being gay. You are showing great courage by letting us know, so give yourself a pat on your back for that!

I just turned 19, so not a very long time ago I was 14 as well. The love I felt back then wasn't fake or anything, but it was a hormone driven roller-coaster. How cruel it may sound, it is somewhat natural to feel so deeply and hopelessly in love as you do. You aren't the only one. And maybe even more important, it will go away. As Scorpion said, one day you can look back and have a laugh at yourself. But that doesn't mean it wouldn't or shouldn't hurt you now.

Maybe you are thinking he is the only one, the "one". Well, it can definitely feels like that in the midst of all it, but Ryan, I can and will assure you that there are so many people out there who love and care for you. And they will find you.

And Ryan, I am just assuming now, but one person isn't enough to put all of your faith in. Your friends are the ones you have to built on, as loving someone can cause you to create certain expectations of that person, and once he breaks those you are back in that dark hole again. As someone who never had a relationship I can assure you that there are still so many people out there that do care for you. Loving someone and wanting to have a relationship are entirely different things. I mean, isn't love nothing more than wanting the best for the other? A relationship is often based on wanting things for yourself as well (like company, support, sex, etc.).

And the last thing, talking about it does help if someone wants you to be happy. If you don't find it comforting telling it to your parent's, than wait with it for a while. Do what you think is best. If you think it would help if we'd have a chat sometimes, either in the chatroom here on HW or with an IM, just let me know. If there is anything I can do for you, let me now OK? :-)

Ryan, take care, and things WILL get better, promise!

Acceptance is the key

The World is but a reflection. Smile, and it will smile back.

Try to keep smiling! :)

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 4/4/2009 11:15 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Ryan,

Welcome to HealingWell. I am glad that you found us. You can get a lot off of your chest just by posting. And many here will have good advice for you.

Knowing that your friend is in a relationship with a girl, I would try to not think about the feelings that you have for him. This could pass and bringing it up right now could be a huge mistake. Maybe talking to that girl would help, or even counseling. So try to accept that fact that he is in love with a woman and he isn't gay.

Counseling is my best advice, you are young and have a lot to learn and could probably use the guidance. Counselors are pretty much open minded and they could have some valuable advice for you.

Or talking to your girlfriend might help. She might already suspect this. You never know. I had a friend that was gay. One day he decided to come out to his friends. Well we already knew because of his manerisms. But he felt better telling us.

I hope that you are having a good day. Life is full of wonderful suprises, so try to keep your chin up and see what happens from one day to the next.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

New Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 7/8/2009 5:15 PM (GMT -6)   

hey Ryan...

ur post really touched me,

i somewhat understand what ur going thru, im 20 and im bi, and i have a bf...but my sister is gay and i seen how our family members and friends took the news...to this day they still put her as an outcast and put her down because of who she is, but me, no one knows about me other then my bf and a few friends, and i could see how everyone would react if i told them, yea i know being BI is not really the same as being gay, but i to feel how u do, im in live with my bf and this girl, which she is bi too but hides it from her bf and she only wants me when hes not around, and it hurts not being able to tell the people u care about who u really are,

i know my reply may not have been any help or probally not even relavent at this point but i just wanted you to know ur deffinately not the only one out there going thru these things...and i hope everything works out for u smilewinkgrin

New Member

Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 7/8/2009 6:25 PM (GMT -6)   
hey ryan,

dude i can totally understand where you are coming from. i am a gay person too and i know what is like to feel what you are feeling. i have been in your shoes at that age and you are constantly trying to act strait constantly trying to get a gf so that no one will find out that you are gay. i know the feeling of being scared to death if someone would even assume it and if they do the nergvousness that you get when you are around them. i am 28 and have experienced all of that. the advice that i can give you being gay myself is that it does get better. i still struggle with it from time to time but it does really get better. you will learn to except yourself and others will except you. a lot of people are uneducated and just do not understand how there comments and words can effect you. its a horrible thing and i would never wish that on anyone. but i can tell you that it will get better. dont feel like you have to prove yourself or your sexuallity to anyone. just be who you are your sexuality does not determine that. you are a human being and deserve to be here on this earth just as much as anyone else talk to you later challenged one

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 7/8/2009 7:14 PM (GMT -6)   

You are getting a ton of support on here. And I am here to support you as well. I am a 17 y/o female and I am gay as well. I know exactly how you feel. I have been in love with a friend who was madly in love with her bf so I know how it can be. But, the thing is, that person really wasnt the one it turns out. There are so many more people out there who you will meet and get to know, and they will probably be better for you.

My advice is to live your life. It doesnt matter if your gay. Thats not WHO you are... thats just a small part of you. It has nothing to do with the ype of person you are. You dont have to prove yourself to anyone. I havent had a bf since 7th grade and I just graduated! No one really questioned me, I just said I hadnt met anyone I really liked. I came out a year and a half ago and turns out, my friends totally knew! lol Funny how that happens! Its also VERY weird that there are so many gay people. There are way more than you think, believe me! After I came out to friends, I had friends come out to me! And it turns out, I know a TON of gay people! Chances are, you also know people who are gay and havent said anything.

I just think, you only live once and you dont deserve to suffer. Being gay is a normal thing and theres nothing wrong with you. Like I said, it doesnt determine the type of person you are. You dont have to necessarily hide it, but you dont have to tell the world either! Be yourself, dont hide it, but dont declare it either. You have plenty of time and chances are people have suspected it before. My best friend hated it for a while when I told her. A few people did freak out and I lost a friend or two. But, my friend came around and apologized once she seen that I was still an awesome person and I wasnt any different. The few friends that I lost, really werent good people to begin with. I have a ton of friends now who love me just as I am! And I am myself.

Trust me, coming out is the scariest thing ever. Because you think people will hate you or they will react badly, but let me tell you.... coming out and being yourself is the biggest weight that can be lifted from your shoulders! I was so scared about it... but after coming out and just being myself I felt like a million bucks. It really does feel so much better not having to lie or hide.

I hope that you can find peace within yourself. But remember, you have time. You dont have to come out right now...just be yourself. Give it some time because it can be an adjustment. Just figure things out the best that you can and figure out what makes you comfortable. I hope that you can figure things out soon because I know how much it sucks to live a lie and feel hidden and trapped. But things get better, I promise.

Good luck and we are all here for you if you need to talk! take care
Lyrica (15 months-quit Feb. 09), Paxil (10 months-quit 6-4-09), Started Cymbalta 6-6-09(horrible effects on me), Rozerem, Melatonin  Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety, Panic Attacks-currently in therapy-new pdoc-possible Borderline Personality Disorder...
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2317
   Posted 7/8/2009 9:34 PM (GMT -6)   
First off, welcome to HW! I see you have belonged for a few months, but this is your first post & I wanted to welcome you.

I see you have already gotten a lot of great advice. I am especially glad to see that Christy has posted to you since the two of you are closer in age. It seems a lot of people have gone through the same emotions that you have when they were thinking of coming out. It is a hard decision to make & to know what to say. Whether you are ready now to come out, or not ready to share that yet, I want to encourage you that there are a lot of great resources out there to help you wherever you're at.

One of the best searches for locating resources in your area is on the Trevor Project website. If you live in any of the 50 states in the U.S., just click on your state at the bottom of the page & it will refer you to support groups, therapist, LGBTQ activists, etc. They have a program for just about every person. If you can't find something on their website, you can always call their 1800 number. Here is their web address:

Take care & keep posting here. There are a lot of great members here who will always help whenever they can.

Moderator -- Depression Forum

Post Edited (Frances_2008) : 7/8/2009 8:38:39 PM (GMT-6)

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 7/8/2009 9:59 PM (GMT -6)   

I just wanted to welcome you to the forum and mention that you have been given some wonderful advice and resources.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/9/2009 9:03 AM (GMT -6)   

FYI, this post was from 4/3/09, 3 months ago.  Ryan has not been seen since his original post.  I hope he does stop in and reads all the new comments.

Each of you posted some powerful words of support to him.  Thank you.



Moderator: Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn
Anxiety/Panic, & Depression
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
Not a mental health professional of any kind

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