i read your post, it run out in the end but i get the picture. first u need to contact psych services in your state & country if you are feeling like harming yourself. i feel you have a lot on your plate, with uni, home life, etc. i feel that at your age you have and are expereincing a lot of pain, mental, physical. the issues with taking drus and alcohol is very worrying, alcohol is a depressant, combined with cannabis is a bad combo. the other stuff-yeah i have been there & some ok. please seek support, you may need to be out of the environment you are in. this i feel. i would talk about my expereinces, but i can't because of the community rules. just let me say, you are still young, your life is just beginning, you are worthy my friend, you are unique & and have insight, otherwise u would not be seeking help.
please talk to the community, i am in australia, time difference and stuff, i am frantically typing and tears are flowing, yeah i am male, 37, and been down roads that i am trying to avoid you taking. please seek help, please, i will be up 4 awhile, please post, vent, but please call your hosp if you feel you are at harm. jamiee.