To answer your question, yes. I am also 19, and find myself frequently in the position that I really wanted to do something, but end up not doing it. However, I do know the reason behind it, since I am "afraid" of people. I feel uncomfortable around others I don't really know that well, so things as parties where I want to see some people can be ruined because there will be others as well.
But that is OK, it is OK not to do things. If there is an uncomfortable feeling when you want to do something, it is still there. And that alone is enough reason not to do something. And even when there is no reason at all, no gut feelings, no negative emotions, no nothing, it is still OK
. You are a special person Abby, and whatever you choose, it is your decision. When others don't understand you it is OK, because they are not you. When others do understand you, it is OK as well, as they might comfort you. It is too easy to beat yourself up over things like this, but would that help anyone?
To tell you a story, for a while I was in doubt of every party I got invited for. And all that stress made me not to go to some. I would beat myself up over that, because I was so stupid, cowardice, whatever, not to go. After a while, the word party was infected by my negative associations, and I would reject an invitation as soon as I got it, just to be done with the stress. It didn't help me as I felt worse after every rejection, and even worse when the invitations stopped coming. It didn't helped the other who invited me. It is simply not helping anyone to beat yourself up over it. And even though it is hard to commit, maybe you could try to accept what you feel and what you do. You are not worth it, they are not worth it either.
My apologies for this writing, I am enormously tired and my brain is shutting down
. Reason has forsaken it, so it seems.
Take care Abby, and all the very best!!
Acceptance is the key
The World is but a reflection. Smile, and it will smile back.Try to keep smiling! :)