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New Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 4/11/2009 5:31 AM (GMT -6)   
I don't know where to begin...pretty new at this but need to talk to someone not close to me I don't want to be judged. I guess this all started when I broke up with someone who I thought loved me and I loved. I was in a relationship for 8 years and have a child with. This ended about 2 years ago and since then I've had depressive moods and suicidal thoughts. To numb my pain I've turned heavily to drugs and alcohol, been partying every chance I get and gone to extreme abuse. Stealing and not caring about life. Racked up debt, haven't paid taxes, on the brink of bankruptcy and worst of all neglecting or just getting angry at my child. Now to make things worse I don't have motivation to work or live. I'm so broke, tired of life and feel lonely. I do have a girlfriend after many attemps of dating who I love and she says loves me but been ignoring my girlfriend who I connect with so well making her feel unloved...but I do. I'm crying so hard by myself lately I just want to crawl under a rock and die... There is so much more to this crap that it hurts to explain it all. I'm realizing I'm losing my friends like flies dropping dead. Soooo lonely. What is wrong with me?

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 4/11/2009 5:54 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Losthope,

I'm glad you came here to talk, and I'm very sorry to read how hard things are for you right now.

I realize you are doing the things you're doing because you are in pain and feeling like nothing matters. But please know this: substance abuse and other self-abusing activities make things so much worse. You may feel numb and soothed by it in the short term, but it only adds to the depression and bad feelings about yourself in the long term.

I think you would feel a lot better if you did something to help yourself instead. You say that you don't have the motivation to live, and you've had thoughts of doing something harmful to yourself. I think you should look in the phonebook for a crisis hotline or suicide prevention centre, and talk to someone as soon as possible. There IS help out there, and I pray that you will reach out for it.

Please don't give up, Lost. You deserve to feel better and to get some support.

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/11/2009 9:32 AM (GMT -6)   

Hello losthope,

Welcome to HealingWell and the Depression Forum.

I think you know what is wrong with you as you posted under the depression forum. I am so sorry you are at such a low point but there is always help. Trust me on this as I have seen people reach out for help and make it through over and over again.  I feel you are turning to all the wrong things to try to get through your depression when what you really need is a good Psychiatrist and therapy and perhaps medication to pull you out of this depression.

Also, please remember "neglecting or just getting angry at my child" is abuse, and you must stop this before your child is injured.  I find this very alarming.  Please call for help.

I am going to post some phone numbers here for you so please do call and talk with someone .

U.S. Helplines

The US Suicide Hotline 1-800-784-2433

NDMDA Depression Hotline | Support Group. 800-826-3632

Suicide Prevention Services Crisis Hotline 800-784-2433
Suicide Prevention Services Depression Hotline 630-482-9696 

Child Abuse Hotline | Support & Information 800-792-5200

Crisis Help Line | For Any Kind of Crisis 800-233-4357

Parental Stress Hotline | Help for Parents 800-632-8188 

Suicide & Depression Hotline | Covenant House 800-999-9999

------Online Hotline Resources--------

Befrienders International :: The Samaritans

U.K. Helplines

The Samaritans 0845 790 9090



Kitt, Co-Moderator:
Co-Moderator Depression

*~* *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 4/11/2009 10:19 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Losthope,

Welcome to healing well depression forum. You have been given some very good advice so far. I just want to add that drugs and alcohol make us more depressed. Just drinking one beer a day can effect us because it is a depressant.

Now for your child. Please take the very best care of your child that you can. Do what is best for him/her. Because this will all come back on you if you don't. If you keep his/her best interest at heart, everything else will fall into place for you. Remember he/she is the innocent one here. Please take this seriously. If you do what is best for your child, good things will come to you. I know that for a fact.

Hugs to you my friend,

  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 4/12/2009 8:25 AM (GMT -6)   
to losthope, strongly agree with posts by skitt and karen. pls seek professional help. am sorry that you are clearly very depressed, it is time to stop masking your pain with negative behaviour. i send my luv. jamie,37, male.
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