Welcome to HealingWell and the Depression Forum.
I think you know what is wrong with you as you posted under the depression forum. I am so sorry you are at such a low point but there is always help. Trust me on this as I have seen people reach out for help and make it through over and over again. I feel you are turning to all the wrong things to try to get through your depression when what you really need is a good Psychiatrist and therapy and perhaps medication to pull you out of this depression.
Also, please remember "neglecting or just getting angry at my child" is abuse, and you must stop this before your child is injured. I find this very alarming. Please call for help.
I am going to post some phone numbers here for you so please do call and talk with someone .
The US Suicide Hotline 1-800-784-2433
NDMDA Depression Hotline | Support Group. 800-826-3632
Suicide Prevention Services Crisis Hotline 800-784-2433
Suicide Prevention Services Depression Hotline 630-482-9696
Child Abuse Hotline | Support & Information 800-792-5200
Crisis Help Line | For Any Kind of Crisis 800-233-4357
Parental Stress Hotline | Help for Parents 800-632-8188
Suicide & Depression Hotline | Covenant House 800-999-9999
------Online Hotline Resources--------
Befrienders International :: The Samaritans
The Samaritans 0845 790 9090
*~* https://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources