Today is one of my not-so-good days in the crazy roller-coaster my life seems to be lately. I want the world to be a perfect place, and nature is perfect, but the human race drives me insane. Like today, there was this little girl who was cycling around, and suddenly her mother shows up. In what I believe was genuine happiness that little girl jumps of her bike to see her mom. That was a wonderful things to see, but as soon as she is with her mom, her mom starts yelling at her like "where is your bike, go get it, never leave it out there!!". Why do people do that? Or I am wrong thinking that a smile on someones face is more important than a bike (which lay in plain sight of the two, so it couldn't even be stolen).
Anyway, that is just an example. I don't understand why people do the things they do, while they obviously degrading someones happiness for no sake at all. Or maybe I do understand, I don't know. The truth is, I don't know anything, and even of that I am not sure. Like, how can you know something is the truth? Aren't there always factors that might exist that you just don't know (yet). How can you know when something is definitive? How can you think your thoughts are right, and others wrong, when you can never know what others think. They might know stuff you don't. Or am I wrong with this one? And who is there to tell me that?
To cut the crap, there are dozens of people I know which I can go to, which I can ask for a night out, for a beer, for a game of soccer. But there is no one out there who I have the feeling of that he or she understands me. To put things in perspective, though I don't like saying this, I have this psychiatrist as counselor. She thinks I am "super-gifted" in my thinking, in like that there are not many people around that can follow it. Like very few. She might be right, though I don't know. Truth is, I think too much, because my happiness suffers under that constant stream of thoughts. And there is no one who tells me that is OK. When I tell people how I feel, and how they could be of any help, they take it well. But no one seems to understand how they can help me, though I point it out clearly. Or they don't want to help, but that is a though which I try not to have too much.
There is so much I want to talk about, and when I do everyone nods and says I am right, and one minute after that they do exactly the opposite. Like judging someone, whether on his or her looks, or his or her behaviour. I would love to know someone which does understand most of what I say, but my hope is fading that those are around. And if so, they would probably be a bit like me, and it would be very hard to meet, cause I don't go out that often.
Though on a more positive note, I try to do the things that I feel are right in like that they improve happiness. At work, I send letters to customers, and sometimes when I hear one is sick, I send a letter to wish him or her good luck. Things like that. I hope my bosses never find out, cause I am not allowed to do stuff like that. And also, I started to do some gardening, and saving the fishes in our pond. Things like that help. It is not all bad, but sometimes I lack the strength to encourage myself. It is hard to always be the one to tell you that it is OK.
Thanks for listening, I love you all.
Acceptance is the key
The World is but a reflection. Smile, and it will smile back.
Try to keep smiling! :)