Okay, so I always feel like Im taking you guys on a bi-polar roller coaster, but here goes.
Yes, I was VERY bummed about
it. But thats because I wanted so badly to be with someone, even if it meant being with someone I knew wasnt for me. I've known for a long time that we were never meant to be. And I kept lying to myself by telling myself it was good for me to "give it a chance". NO. It wasnt because I knew better. I knew it wouldnt work, but deep down I WANTED it to work so that I could feel comforted by another human being, ya know. I actually feel like Im explaining this is a very effective way for once. I've thought alot about
it lately. And I know we werent meant to be. But, I know Im capable of being with someone, and thats what Ive learned. I have learned just how much love I possess and how much I can care and just how committed I can be.
Now, normally Im a very humble person but just this once Im gonna go out on a limb and say "It really doesnt matter because they werent good enough for me. They were too lucky to have a person like me. And although I am a good influence and whoever is with me will be VERY lucky, this person didnt deserve ME!"
Hows that?! lol I couldnt help it...but its the truth. I have acknowledged a certain confidence in myself these past few days. I was silent the day after, but then I started going outside and playing ball again, and not the angry kind of ball I was playing the other day. I was making shot and telling myself how good of a player I am and just being thankful that I have everything that I do and that I can do things that I set my mind too.
I watched some Comedy Central, I enjoy me some comedians! They give me a laugh, and ever since, I been in a good mood. Yesterday I ran some errands and played ball... I watched some tv... chilled with some friends and had a good time. Finally, I was a little back to myself, the self that is confident, outgoing, and FUNNY! So, I seemed enjoyable to be around. (this i got from everyone laughing at what I was saying!) I can be a hoot to be around, given the right mood, of course! lol
And I have friends every which way asking me to come over and go places, play tennis, etc. Today Im supposed to spend the night with a friend. I have to watch my little neice for a while. Im going to go hang out with friends in a while... Im going to volunteer at the hospital in the morning! I miss all my "elder" friends there! (i call them my elder friends cause most of them are retired now, but they are all like family to me! luckily I get to start volunteering again in a few weeks cause it will be summer, cant wait!) And, Sunday I am thinking of going to visit at a church...I been interested in joining there so... I want to check it out. I think it would be good for me to get involved and meet some new people. And its a plus to have a congregation of people who care for you and stuff so I think it would be good support. AND then, Im going with a friend to a couple of "teas". Yes, a tea. Sorority recruitment. We have gotten letters from the college we are going to and Im very interested in joining one. It will give me something fun to do, college experience, and its a great way to meet people who will be like family the rest of your life, ya know....
So, things seem to be on track again. Lets pray they stay that way! So, Im sure this is long enough, thanks for the support and for having my back, I really appreciate how much you guys care for me. It means alot! Thanks!
Lyrica(15 months on, but now officially off of it!) and Paxil(about 6+- months)
Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety, Panic Attacks-currently in therapy
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart
no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to
smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."