Hi i am new here and im trying to find me again. I am 31yrs old and the father of twin 2yr old girls. I am currently on the third month of separation from my wife. I have always had a tough time coping/letting go in any of my ended relationships but this time its different, its worse. To make a long story short my wife and i have been together for 5 years, married 2. My wife and i have had some problems i guess like alot of couples do. My wife talked to her friend for support with our problems. We had two other separations that lasted a month or so. I left the house and stayed with my parents and get to keep the kids for 3-4 days a week every week. I always thought that there was something going on between the friend and her but she always said no. This time i left again with my clothes and a few other items. A few days after i moved out he moved in. A month and a half into my 3 months she called out of the blue (we only talk about
the kids, thats all she wants to talk about
..no more) she said she had made a mistake and wanted to work things out. She kicked him out, asked if i would come home and asked if it was okay with me to put her rings back on. YES YES YES. I was there for 3 days and she told me that she loves me but not the way she should and said she was confused and wanted to be on her own. She said she has feelings for him and i should move on with my life. So i moved out again. He got an apartment but i know they spend every free second together. She has called for one of those thru the mail divorces and has the papers. She said she has not sent them in yet but im not sure.
Did i mention we all work together. My wife, the friend and myself.
I left OUR home with my clothes. She calls it her house and says i dont have the right to be there.
I am having a very hard time. Going out with the guys dont work. The day might start off good but in the end shes on my mind. I loss intertest in what ever i was doing or whoever i was talking to and think about her. I get sad. Very sad. I havent made it one day yet without crying. I have no interest in anything i used to do. I have had bad thoghts about myself. I feel so useless and have a hard time looking in the mirror. I dream about her. My mind is always racing with what ifs and what can i do so she would take me back. I cant stop thinking about her and its effecting me in a bad way. I have to look at my kids faces when they have to go back and forth. I have to look in there faces when i have to leave them. I DONT like what i see in there faces. I breaks my heart. It makes things that much harder. I cant stand what they have to go thru. I feel so low and i dont know what to do. I know i havent said it but i love my wife very much. I would forgive her for anything just to be with her. I dont want to move on. I want to be with her. I so heart broken. I am to the point now where i think i might need medication to help me cope. To help clear my mind. What should i do? Please help me.