I am sorry to hear what you are going through right now. If it feels good to write down your thoughts and share them, maybe you can do it with closer friends as well. It can be hard to share what you are going through, it can make you feel vulnerable, but the reward in form of comfort and love you get from your friends can be a thousand times worth it. And that I can tell from experience
You could, for instance, just copy and paste the stuff you wrote here into an email or so, as mailing can be a lot easier to start with than an actual phone call, or a face-to-face. Also, you might want to tell whoever it is that you are visiting that you aren't feeling comfortable if they are always asking about
your past. They do that for a reason though, as child traumas can have great influence today. But whether you think you hadn't any, or feel uncomfortable because of something else, it is worth discussing about
. One thing I learned is that you shouldn't withhold any information from your counselor as he or she is there to help. So by telling them you are helping yourself.
And maybe you can write down for yourself what exactly is bothering you. It can feel like it is just a huge pile of things, or that your emotions have no reason for being, but most of the times I think they have. By exploring what the causes are, you can act a lot more specific to them, and thus improve better. Maybe it'll work, maybe not, but it might just be worth trying.
And just a little something I want to say. Taken things out on others, whether they are plants, animals, humans, or not-living things, usually doesn't help that much. Maybe you could try not to, by counting till ten, or asking yourself the question whether it will be the best thing to do. Maybe that by trying you will sometimes refrain from doing it. If so, you could give yourself a reward for that. In like "Heej, I didn't took it out on them! I earned a new pair of sunglasses", or anything like that.
And it is OK to have those thoughts, you are perfect in the way you are, and having those thoughts aren't degrading you in any way!
Acceptance is the key
The World is but a reflection. Smile, and it will smile back.Try to keep smiling! :)