New here, wife with severe depression. HELP

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New Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 4/14/2009 1:41 PM (GMT -6)   
A little background. My name is Lawrence and I've been married to my current wife for 2 years now. When we got married she was on medication for depression, bi-polar, extreme emotional intensity disorder and PTSD. Shortly after we married she got pregnant and stopped taking the meds. She did fine and according to her mom always does get while pregnant. We have 4 kids but only one together, She has a 10yr old, 4yr old and our 1yr old that we have together. I have a 7yr old from previous marriage. She's 30, I'm 28. Now to my point. We are/were heavy drinkers(me more then her) She drinks about a bottle of wine every 2 weeks or so but that has become less and less in these last few weeks. I take prozac, trazadone, anabuse and valium here(just started the anabuse today). In the last two weeks she's started sleeping till 2 or 3pm every day even if the kids are screaming leaving me to handle everything(one thing I'm thankful for about being laid-off). I can take the 1yr old to the bedroom to breastfeed and she'll just roll over and let him scream till I go get him again. Our daughter comes home from school and just something as simple as a hello results in mom screaming shut up, back off, leave me alone. I get the same response most of the time(she hasn't always been these way). When she's good she's a great mother and wife/friend. Right now I can't stand being around her and the kids are clinging to me like crazy(probably for the same reason) I told her to go get back on her meds to which she said okay, made an appointment and actually went. The scheduled another appointment at which time they would medicate her and she did not go to the one or schedule anymore since then. I'm at a loss now. She's currently taking 5mg oxycodone for a compression fracture in her back but will only take this at 9 or 10pm saying "now my back is starting to hurt" Help please! I have to go out of state in a week and I'm terrified for my kids and her while I'm gone. I need to get this fixed now. What do I do?

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42612
   Posted 4/14/2009 2:53 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Lawrence,

Welcome to HealingWell. I am so glad that you have joined us. It is so hard in your situation, watching your wife go through depression. I think that she does need the medication. When she takes her oxycodone late at night, it probably stops her from sleeping. Often these kinds of drugs keep a person awake. So she should take during the day before the pain becomes intolerable.

I would suggest that you go to some type of counseling for support through this. Somebody who could give you some really good advice on what to do in this situation. It just doesn't seem fair to you or to the children. Especially when she is yelling for no reason. I would be afraid too.

Being bipolar is a tough one. Have you checked out our bipolar forum? I think it would be a good idea. They would probably have some good advice there too.

It is hard because you can't make her get help. Maybe you could calmly talk to her and try to get her to understand what she is putting you and the kids through. When you are bipolar, you don't always see how you are hurting others, especially with inconsistant moods.

Maybe you should make another appointment for her and take her there. Or would that be pushing too hard? She definately needs some help and some medication. I hate the thought of her neglecting the kids.

Please keep posting and letting us know what is going on. We are here to support you. But also some professional advice would be good for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/14/2009 3:44 PM (GMT -6)   
Welcome to HealingWell.  For most people with bipolar disease medications are the foundation of their treatment due to the manic/depressive episodes and it feels to me like you wife is in a depressive state now.
I guess I would be concerned as to why her physician did not start her medications again on the first appointment and why she had to have a second appointment ot obtain her medication. You stated "The scheduled another appointment at which time they would medicate her and she did not go to the one or schedule"
With her history I am not sure why the delay but perhaps you know the answer to why?  Also I would certainly ask her Mother to assist you in talking to your wife about seeking help.
Karen is right, we have a great Bipolar forum and perhaps they have better insight into your wife's disorder.
I am glad to hear you are on Antabuse but today if your first dose so does that mean you have just recently stopped Valium your medication to help with any withdrawal effects from the alcohol? I am concerned that your burden is heavy so please do make sure you take care of you too.
I wish you peace and know my prayers are with you.

Kitt, Co-Moderator:
Co-Moderator Depression

*~* *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 46
   Posted 4/14/2009 9:56 PM (GMT -6)   
you are father of the year, man. you have stepped up regardless of your own issues and are taking care of business. please get help from a counselor for you and your wife. always keep the kids first. take care.

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 4/16/2009 4:06 AM (GMT -6)   
hi alamil, agree with karen's post. keep well, we care, sending sincere compassion my friend. jamie

New Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 4/16/2009 9:52 AM (GMT -6)   
Just a quick update, her mom finally came around to help me with this situation. It turned into a huge fight that for a moment I was waiting to hear "I want a divorce". I went to bed to allow her time to calm down and think about all of it and the next morning I woke up at 730am, at 8am I went to the bedroom and asked if she'd be willing to get up to break this cycle and..........she did! It's not much but it's progress. Also no yelling took place yesterday even with kids being extremely hyper and acting out she stayed relatively calm. Was the best day we've had in quite awhile.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 4/16/2009 10:45 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Lawrence,

I'm glad to read that you've seen some light in your situation. It's also good that you have support from your wife's mother.....that's excellent. I hope and pray that your wife will be agreeable to starting her appointments again. Best wishes to all of you in your family.

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 4/18/2009 4:04 AM (GMT -6)   
me too, (raniah's post) jamie. keep posting, we care.
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