I hope this suggestion doesn't sound trite to you, but have you looked into some books on grieving? I know some people kind of 'pooh-pooh' the idea of self-help books, but there are some truly good ones out there, and I would encourage you to take a look if you haven't already. I believe that Elisabeth Kübler-Ross is a reputable author on the stages of grief, for example. Please keep posting, and know that we care.
Happy Earth Day!