Hi everyone, I haven't bin here much lately, but It's time to rant again I guess. I don't know where I am right now, I don't know if I am still deprssed or what. I'm still trying to find a job for 5 months now and there is no luck, not even one reply to hundred's of applications I made over the past few months I still have hope but I feel lost and a little sad that there is no good result so far.
I can say I'm a little lazy, I don't sleep as much as I used to be ( used to sleep 18 hours per day ) I sleep now 9 to 10 hours a day on average but I wake-up usually late in the morning or afternoon and I stay late, as late as 3 AM. I feel guielty about this a lot.
I recently met a very nice girl, everything was going ok until she knew that I don't have a job, and I'm living with my parents currently, and spend a lot of time online and I am over 35 years old, as a responce she said I should do something about mylife and not talk to her until I fix my life. when she said this I took it seruisly, and I have steped up my efforts to get a job, but I can't help but feel sad about the whole situation. I think she doesn't like me anymore and it hurts so bad, I keep thinking of her all the time. I feel I am going through a pattern now because this isn't the first woman to reject me it feels like it has to happen everytime to me.
I also feel afraid constantly, afraid from GOD because I don't pray, I don't know what is going to happen to me in the afterlife but it's not looking good at all.
So I guess I'm still lazy, not as lazy as I have bin in the past few years but still pretty lazy.
being lazy, is that a symptum of depression do you think? I don't know. my doctor says I'm lazy too and that I should not spend 1 minute without a job, every minute counts.
I need your prayers please, to find a job so I can live the life I want, I feel trapped now and sad, I don't know how to sort this out it's frustrating me.