Everyone, thank you so much for all your time and efforts and love, it does me a lot of good
. In fact, there are so many of you that replyd, that I rather give a personal answer because else there might be mess up of things. So here it goes:
Karen! Yea, what you say it what I am trying to do. See what I think can be bettered, and do it. And it is working, only when already feel down, there is at the moment a not enough support, at least so it feels. It might be enough, I just might not see it, but it feels that way. Anyway, right now there is a struggle going on, like I mentioned before. Shut your mind down and worry less, or don't. Because the worrying isn't improving my mood right now, but it might be the trigger I need to come up with solutions to improve my happiness (and that of the world, which is closely related) on the longer term. And, it might not. So... It is still trying to find what works. And the thinking does make me more happy when I am happy, but also gives me a deeper sadness. It works both ways. So I think it is a thing to keep on trying, because when you can minimize the sad periods you will be a lot happier than the other way.
Frances, that hit the spot. I can definitely relate to what you told about
Sam. Awesome to hear that you are trying to improve the world, I believe you are doing it great!
. And yes, doing what I believe is "good" to do (ie. improving the overall happiness on this planet (and beyond)) does help. A lot. The only thing is, at the moment I am not sure where the border is. Like, what can I do? Does my efforts are justifying my time spent on the computer? Or do I have to cut that too? Because I believe in reward rather than punishment, but I don't know when I can have a reward. No one is telling me that, and I always see things to improve. Lol, I radically changed the way my cooperation works when I am like one of the lowest in rank. In some cases that strive for perfection works out well, in others cases it doesn't. But right now I am struggling to find the balance. But I will make a start by reading that book, and I will let you know! (if you don't mind that of course)
Kitt... I am so sorry to hear that... Please, stop thinking about
me, only when it makes you feel a bit better. I am stuck for words right now, but if there is any way I can help, please let me know! Kitt, you are in my thoughts as well, maybe that I will see you in my dreams and give you a big hug. Take care dear!!!
Um right, where was I :?. Akram, thanks! Yea, trying to improve what I can improve is the way to go. Unfortunately, I don't believe in God (nor deny the possibility of His existence), so we can't really support each other that way. But thank you so much for your reply, it really, really helps!! I hope you are doing good as well.
Frances again, so it seems. You are right about
what you say, but it isn't exactly working that way I think. Truth is, I never had a girlfriend, so I don't know. And no one can make some else happy all the time. But so far, people that love me for who I am make me happy. Without exceptions. And at the moment, getting a message of love and caring from someone else (old or young, male or female), does me way more good than I am able to provide myself. I don't think I have expectations from a friend other than a mutual caring for eachother, which seems like a normal thing to me. Although that might even be too much. And of course, it can be all focussed on me. The moment when I can help someone else are the moments I am most happy. But I am way too shy to run around and offer people help. And I will hold back on that because I fear I might do wrong, that others might not feel good or comfortable with me around. I truly believe that is how I work, so having someone you know will be happy just because you are around, the same way as I am happy when others are around of which I know they care, would be a huge supply of happiness. I hope you are able to follow it a bit, it might be explained in a terrible way. But it would be good to know that even when you are uglier than normal, lost your job, and are depressed, there is still someone who loves you for who you are, not what you are. And that, even when you are at rock bottom, that person will still be happy to have you around. I believe I have what I described, though I don't really know. I like to believe I am not ready, and than once I am able to be happy from within, someone will appear. At that point, it wouldn't hurt if it wouldn't because I am already happy, thus can give the most care for the other since I don't have to mind myself. I won't have the fear of loss because I am already whole. But on the other hand, I seem unable to achieve that, and someone else's love and care might be the foundation I need to be of the greatest use towards the Universe. Anyway, we will see what happens. Will it be the chicken, or the egg?
Manyembers, thanks!! Yes, I do believe we share some of the same insights. There is a quote "In my entire life, I have never seen a happy intellectual", and another one "Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart. The really great men must, I think, have great sadness on earth". It seems they agree. Anyway, I believe that you can become happy by thinking. In fact, I believe things done conscious have way more value than things done for the sake of doing it. Knowing the "Why's" can deepen the value. I will not go in to detail about
that, as it is a chapter on its own. Being happy for a won match will make you happy for a couple of days, but knowing that you did everything you could and won will bring much greater joy, that will last a lifetime. So knowing the value of happiness and knowing your role in it can bring a much deeper sensation of peace and happiness, at least, that is what I want to believe. I don't know anything for sure, as I also believe truth is most likely to be personal, rather than universal. And you mention God as well, well, I believe in the Universe, everything is connected, everything is, well, God. I don't know whether that is true, but since I have this thought that the Universe is perfect, it really helps accept things. Even my own flaws. But it does mean there is no one or nothing to "blame", or to give the roll of shepherd, since we are all one.
Anyway, thank you for your telling that everyone needs has there own pace in exploring the world. I tend to forget that. Maybe I am ahead of them, or far behind, or on a totally different road. And that is a good thing. Only sometimes I wish there was something to show me the way when I feel lost. Though it might be the very purpose to find my own way. Who will say?
Once more, thanks again! Thank you, thank you, thank you. I don't really know how to express it, so I hope you will get it.
All the very best!
Acceptance is the key
The World is but a reflection. Smile, and it will smile back.Try to keep smiling! :)