I have some more questions to those who have been depressed.

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Cowboy up
Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 52
   Posted 5/12/2009 7:13 AM (GMT -6)   
You have seen my posts in the past but everday is a struggle for me . I have been trying to be a supportive husband and have been doing alright but the last few months have been a rollercoaster of emotions for me. My wife actually has her last class tonight. We have been spending time together going out t o dinner and family time . She is going to push to see a counciler now with school out. The thing that is killing me is there is still no intimacy and she is still sleeping in a diffrent room. I know the core problem is she has self esteem issues about her weight. She feels that I have not been attracted to her for many years . The truth is I have always been very attracted to her. She doesnt beleive me . She says she has no desire for intimcy and I was wondering if that was a common symptom of  being depressed. This question is to those wives that told me that they put there supportive husbands through the rollercoaster of the ride we call depression.On the positive side I have seen seen my wife smile more and she is now showing signs of worrying about how I feel. I just dont want to make her more depressed after going so far but now I just have to constantly stop myself from wanting to push her too fast. I never pushed the intimacy  issue because I was always working 6 or 7 days a week or she was buried in school work. I thought that I was being a good husband getting us ahead and not pushing her  because she was so busy with school . It was never that I wasnt attracted to her. Nothing I say or do will convince her how much I am attracted to her. She says she has no doubts that I love her. I dont know if she will ever desire the intimacy again or if I will just live out my life with my wife as my roomate . She got upset for saying maybe I should move out which I really dont want . She said later that me saying that made her very anxious .I really just want her to be happy and if I am really the root of her being unhappy then I willdo what she wants. I told her this and she got a little mad and said thank you for telling me what I want when I dont even know myself. For now I am still hanging in there.Thank you for any advice in advance.

Precious Gem
Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1139
   Posted 5/12/2009 10:50 AM (GMT -6)   
Depression has a way of taking the fun out of everything.  Getting well is a slow process.  You just do not feel like you have the energy for anything!  Being intimate is a great stress buster but you have to just jump right in whether you feel like it or not to help you get back on track.  Anti Depressants have a way of lowing libido, but not all do.  For some, it is just a temporary thing and then you are back to your old self.  My husband has been very supportive through my ordeal, but I know there are times when he feels neglected.  The fact that he never pushed me or made me feel bad about my lack of interest really helped to bring it back around.  I guess what I am trying to say is that everyone is different and we all get our groove back on at different times.  I hope you and your wife can re-connect on that important level very soon!
Good luck, but sound like a nice person who loves his wife. 

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/12/2009 10:50 AM (GMT -6)   

Dear Cowboy Up,

You posted "She is going to push to see a counciler now".

I think that is great and I hope that you will consider that a positive move. Try not to take her behavior  as a reflection on you.  She has depression and she is feeling very vulnerable so give her time to heal and practice staying out of the anticipatory anxiety thinking.............."I dont know if she will ever desire the intimacy again or if I will just live out my life with my wife as my roomate."

Take it one day at a time and pray for professional counseling to help with your wife's depression. 
You have my support.


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Cowboy up
Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 52
   Posted 5/12/2009 4:54 PM (GMT -6)   
Yeh Kitt I just got off the phone with my wife . She sounded very upset. She is heading to her last night of class . She said today was a bad day. She then went on to tell me that she called the counciler today . They said she is still on the waiting list . Since febuary she has been waiting but because it is through the county they told her they had to take the hospital referred cases ahead of the waiting list.
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