i need some advice

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New Member

Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 5/16/2009 2:04 AM (GMT -6)   
Ok this may be alittle imature but its my problem.
My whole life i have been overwieght. I graduated from high school in 2007 and then took a year off. I began to get jealous of all my friend that were in college but I hated high school. So i decided to go to a community college last fall. I went to school and fell in love with it. I started to be happy and I actually made friends. Most of them guys too. Thats another thing is that I have never been in a romantic relationship before. So I decided i should start to lose weight. I begin excerising and eat more healtier foods and now about 8 months later I have lose 50lb. So I started hangning out with this one guy in my program at school and we would go play pool almost everyday after school. I got to know him really well and not to mention he is attractive and around christmas time I begin to like him more then a friend. But the girls he always points out are very petite girls that have a bubbly personallity. I am a corner type of person. If i nothing really important to say I dont say it. But still Every moment we could be together we were and he is the nicest guy. I have realized that guys exspecially him do not talk about their feelings that much but he confided in me. I really did not want to have feelings for him because he was my best friend I did not want to lose that realtionship. But about three times a week I would stay at his house. Nothing romantic happened we just hung out and I would get to tired to drive home. We have been on hours long trip to a bigger city and i visit him at his parents house on the week-ends i had off. His parents live about 60 miles away and they love me.  So this is my mistake but I started to think of us as boyfriend/girlfrind just with out the romance. I did want it thought him to just one and lean over and kiss me.
A couple weeks ago we were hanging out and a girlfriend of mine came over to his house and then I noticed he was begining to flirt with her i got up really up set and went to his room to sleep. The next morning he was telling me that he thinks he might like her and that i should try and find out if she likes him. I tried to let it go but that day at work i was crying almost non-stop and my manager sent me home. I began to forget but i never told him the true. We were still hanging out non-stop. And a week ago I was at his house having a party and a girl arrived. I did not know who she was. It got later in to the night and they became closer. He is a really good swing and western dancer so they begin to dance. I was so pissed by this time. I did know what to do. Finally he left the room for a moment and the girl looks at me and says "Do you like him?". And i said "Yes, very much so." She said "Oh, I'm sorry please dont be mad. I just like to dance." Then he came back in the room. (oh a side note he does not like people to touch his hat and the only one he does not get mad at is me and the whole night she was aloud to touch his hat.) I was so upset but know i when to sleep. The next morning i got up and found him and her on the couch together. They had stayed up all night and danced. I was destrought. I didn't have my car so he drove me to school and I told him that i was jealous of her touching his hat and dancing with her. He said he was sorry.
I was out of town for a couple days. And when I came back i checked his myspace and it said "in a relationship". And right then i lost it, I have been emotionally stressed since then my birthday was two days ago and i was still not happier. Its stupid to be so upset over this mess but all i want to do is see him. But now he is in Mexico (long planned family trip) and all he could talked about was seeing and missing her. It felt like my heart was ripped from my chest and ran over. I cant stop thinking about him and every time I do i cry. And this is I just is my plee for advice about how to get over him and stay best friend but i dont know how because i hate her and her skiny and bubbly personality. And I keep falling. My other friends are sick of hearing about it. And i am sick of thinking about it. Please help with some advice.
Thank you so much for reading this.
PS have you ever heard the taylor swift song "You belong with Me" Yeah thats my Theme Song

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 2386
   Posted 5/16/2009 2:56 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi hon, Way to go on losing 50 pounds! I wish I could do that. As for your friend, sweety when I like a guy but afraid to tell them I keep it a secret, and let them make the first move. Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesnt. Some boys, like him, just want to be friends. You are hurt, cuz you really like him, but if a man does not love you for yourself, he is not worth it then (no offense men). It takes time to heal your heat. So give him some space, then after a couple weeks, or when he confronts you (whichever comes first) say "Hey I am sorry for blowing up over your hat, I realize we are just friends and I should not have done that. I just thought that was our little thing on how you let me touch your hat, just for us as friends." That way, you accept responsibility for your actions, but also acknowlege the friendship, and put the ball back in his court. You arent the only one having boy troubles to, me and boyfriend had a huge fight tonight, and I am still crying.
Smurfy Shadow/Desirèe 
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Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 5/16/2009 6:27 AM (GMT -6)   
dear alex,
sorry 4 your predicument. he has lost a great friend. seems like he is rather external, sometimes life sucks a bit, stay positive, hope u find someone who appreciates you, for you. jamie, 37, well-rounded!! and a mere male too!! thanx 4 your post, and courage in doing so. keep posting, compassion and peace to you.

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/16/2009 7:05 AM (GMT -6)   


Welcome to HealingWell. 

There is a famous saying that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. If true genuine friendships between men and women are at all feasible, they are indeed difficult to maintain and can sustain only if ground rules are set out from day one. A man and woman can indeed be just friends, but friends don't or shouldn't express themselves through sex.

In my own experience from long ago,  whenever I had a man friend one of us always ended up with leaning toward wanting more then just friendship.  That would put the other person in a awkward position as the other person was looking for a strictly platonic friendship. 
I hope you can find the a solution to your situation and that you remember you are an awesome person and you deserve to find someone that is meant just for you in the romance department.
Congratulations on your weight loss..............you have great willpower.

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Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 129
   Posted 5/17/2009 11:16 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Alex,

It is very difficult to be such close friends with someone you have romantic feelings for when those feelings are not returned. I'm familiar with the Taylor Swift song, and I have been in similar situations that allow me to say that I can relate to those lyrics and to what you're dealing with. It is painful to watch someone date someone else when you wish that person would date you. My solution has been to limit my time with the crush and focus on developing friendships with other people. Don't give anyone the power to make you feel like you aren't special, because you are and you deserve to be happy. :-)

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