I was Googling about depressed spouses and came across this site. You all seem like a nice bunch of people, and I'm hoping to maybe find some answers here, or at least try to gain some understanding/insight into my husband's depression.
A little about myself - I am 32 years old, married 6 years this year however I've known my husband for 10 years. We have 2 adorable boys, one is 3 1/2 and the other is almost a year old. My husband suffers from anxiety and depression and is currently taking medication to treat those as well as adhd. I suffer from mild depression however I feel that it's under control with the Zoloft that I take. We both work full time and our days are fairly hectic and busy. Hubby is currently going to group therapy for issues stemming from a tragic childhood, and we also go to marriage counseling together.
I find myself posting here because a lot of days I feel like the therapies are helping, and other days it seems like nothing will ever be better. Hubby and I argue over a number of small insignificant issues, a lot of them related to the fact that I feel like I do all the work around here while he seems to be incapable of contributing to the household because he is depressed. He has days where he'll stay home from work and sleep all day, leaving me to manage two young children alone. Other arguments we have are related to something I've done that's upset him, only I don't know that I've upset him because he keeps it all bottled up until he explodes and finally tells me. Seriously, last night he was upset with me because he says that for the past 10 years we've been together, we always watch what I want to watch on tv. Yes, laugh all you want, but he was *very* upset about it. A lot of the time I have no idea why he's so upset, finding his behavior to be erratic, only to realize later that it's because he's taken some Ambien (to help him sleep), except that he hasn't gone to bed. I've read you're supposed to go to bed right after taking Ambien, and have mentioned this to him countless times, but he won't listen. Maybe that information is incorrect, but since I'm not a doctor I don't know for sure. Oh, and yes, I'm pretty sure last night was an Ambien-night. I've asked him to tell me when he takes one, but he never does, so I'm caught off-guard frequently.
I've been questioning our marriage for the past couple of years, thinking that this was something all couples go through. However as time goes by, I'm starting to wonder whether our arguments are really a product of his depression, and if so, is the group therapy ever going to be successful? Is there a light at the end of the tunnel, or am I going to be with a depressed spouse for the rest of my life? And if there is a light, what do I do in the meantime to survive? Some days I feel like I'm just hanging on by a thread. I'm so tired of crying myself to sleep at night, feeling emotionally drained from trying to understand my husband, and feeling physically exhausted with taking care of my sons as if I were a single parent.
Thanks for reading.