hi wish dream hope.
it sounds like a chess game, one where you and the other player are taking the same peices, thus you end up with 2 kings each, stale mate. this happened to me also, so i understand. i would suggest that your situation is very isolating, need to get out of the four walls!! what are the things you really enjoyed b4 the depression took hold? seems you need some distraction and purpose. there are many ways to skin a cat!! what are yours? i would take the med, if it does eventually assist you, then this is a positive. therapy, yeah, i understand that at times you would rather not go, maybe a support group, i did grow for many years, extremely helpful, they are all over the world, and practice loving compassion, whilst you are learning about yourself and others.
luv, peace and harmony to you.