Well I decided to take the celexa today....I really don't have a choice but to take it because if I don't I know things won't improve. Atleast I am starting on a low dose 10mgs. I'm supposed to take the 10mgs for a week then go up to 20mgs. But if I think that I need to stay on 10mgs longer before going up I will make that decision myself. It's just so strange because I've just been feeling so whatever to everything. I just don't care about
anything and have no feelings about
anything. I feel numb. Sometimes I feel so tired of everything. I am so tired of our life together....so tired of the same routine everyday....so tired of going back and forth about
wanting to get married and not wanting to. I'm tired of feeling like we are different creatures. Tired of answering the phone when he calls and his mood is so happy go lucky and I am flat.....He's such a jokester that loves to play around all the time and all it does is annoy me. At night time when we are laying in bed he's asleep and I'm still awake wondering and thinking, I look over and feel nothing. Sometimes I think I don't go and do things to get out because it's a pain to take my son with me.....It would be no fun for him to be in a cart while mommy looks around in a store....I don't want to take him to the park because all I would do is sit there and have a flat personality, here he is having fun and mommy can't really enjoy anything......I lay in bed most nights dreading the next day.....I don't want to be here with my son, I love him so much and he's so attached to me but I feel so helpless ensuring that he gets the enjoyment he needs....I know it probably sounds so stupid and so easy to fix.....
I miss my family especially my mom. We have both seen eachother through some hard times and sometimes I wished she was down the street from me. I feel like I need her and she needs me (her marriage is on the rocks right now). Things just suck right now. And tony your right I should try and do the things that make me happy I have a idea but I wrote enough for now......Thanks for always listening everybody!
Sought help Jan 2009
"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."
"If you do not hope, you will not find what is beyond your hopes."