So, first, I'll start by saying that my parents went to therapy today. I waited outside and when it was over, my therapist came out and told me that they knew more than I thought and that they were more open than I knew. She told me that my mom was my number 1 fan... not sure what that means exactly but.. She said they knew a lot more now so... I would assume she told them most everything. I told her to surprise me next session and she could tell me then instead of today. We havent talked about it... they havent said anything about what they talked about so... I'll find out later.
Anyways, she thinks that Im bipolar. And, I would agree. Today has been one of my down days, but I knew it was coming because the last week or so has been a high for me. I have been talking excessively, laughing and joking, feeling like nothing could stop me. Yesterday I started feeling mixed, high and low. And so I knew today was coming. A huge low. No talking, not really caring, no patience, which leads to anger and frustration easily. I have pretty much figured out my mood swings. I can kind of map it out. I know when I feel really high that it will be followed by a huge low. So, my moods are all over the place.
I have been struggling with it. It stinks to know and to feel these changes, but not be able to control them. I have a doc appt. June 4 to see the doctor. Hope he adds a mood stabilizer. Perhaps that would help. I dont know. I just dont want to be this way anymore.
I have returned to old ways, some of you will understand that. I have begun turning to meds, and not in the good way. So, things have changed and not for the better. I just keep opening different doors and none of them are right. They all hold harm. I will graduate in a week. Next Friday. And I want it to be exciting. I want it to be a new chapter in my life, not more of what it has already been.
Well, I could go on for a while. I have a lot to say. Just to keep myself away from other things. I want to say more, but I am in a mood I just dont want to do anything. I really do want to talk more about things, but I think I am just going to get in bed early instead. I am going to talk to my teacher about it some tomorrow because I told her last week about therapy and about my new "habit". And so, I want to talk to her about it. I am also going to pay my school counselor a visit because its been months since I talked to her about things and I want to tell her about therapy(she doesnt even know) and tell her that my parents went. And just ask for some advice and encouragement. I feel I can talk to her more now without the fear of her telling my parents, since they know now... so...
Glad its almost Friday. A few more days of school and thats it! Graduation is right around the corner! Thanks..
Lyrica(15 months on, but now officially off of it!) and Paxil(about 6+- months)
Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety, Panic Attacks-currently in therapy
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart
no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to
smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."