Hi. I'm moving on to high school next year, not that that's a problem, but it might help. I heard this place is great for counseling.
Anyway, I don't think I am too depressed, but I couldn't find a better place to post this in.
I've been having thoughts since about
a year ago, but no one except me and my best friend know about
that. I've myself [not too severely... but it was with a comb, and that hurt like hell] and, again, only me and my best friend know. My parents care a lot about
me, which is why I try not to cry in front of or near them. However, my mother yells a lot, and my father and grandfather pressure me like hell. My father has been beating me whenever I fail to do as he wants. I've managed to keep up with some expectations, but I'm afraid I can't continue for much longer. I've dropped three private classes, but I'm still taking private English lessons and, soon, math and chemistry. I know I should work hard, but I just can't work like my parents did.
Things are basically fine in school, but I get teased a lot. Every day, I feel like I'm going to explode by either leaving the room and crying or beating someone up, and either way, my parents will find out. I never want them involved because they over-react to everything. When I win an award, they praise me. When I get in trouble, I get beaten. Anyway, the teasing has gotten to a point where I'm contemplating extremes like a school on campus. My classmates either don't know or don't take me seriously, which is a good thing because I would prefer not to be sent to a counselor. I don't trust them. I trust anonymous opinions, though, so I came here for answers.
Third thing. I'm no good with relationships. I've been rejected twice and my first girlfriend took the relationship as a joke. Still, I can't forget about
her. I don't know why, either; she can be mean, doesn't really take things too seriously and probably likes someone else. I just wish I never met her sometimes, but it just makes me feel worse.
Fourth? darn, I'm taking a long time with this. Anyway, I get nostalgic easily. I long to return to my old elementary school. I bike there every night, but my longing for simpler times just grows stronger. Still, that place is somewhere safe away from home. However, some bad people began using that place as a hangout, so I need to find another place away from home to get away from my parents or to just be alone. Unfortunately, I have not yet found one, and so I stay at my elementary school, trying to avoid the bad people.
Basically, pressure, school, ex and nostalgia. Thanks in advance for your help. :)
1. No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence. (ie. illicit drug use, including medical marijuana use, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm). Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.
Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 5/23/2009 8:48:47 PM (GMT-6)