Thanks for your reply to acaisha. I'm new to this forum.
I'm married 24 years and my husband's depression has reached a new high (or low). He is once again discouraged about his career and life in general. He retreats every day into our den to watch television and try to make some money by trading stocks, which he's very good at, or watch inane television shows or old movies he's seen a million times. He falls asleep early nearly every night on the couch and we haven't been intimate in over a year.
Meanwhile, he's in a somewhat "public" position in our community so it's very difficult to plaster on the fake smile and be enthusiastic about all the help he gives others when our own marriage is in the dumps.
He's been on Cymbalta but then began taking half a dose on his doctor's advice because it was making him so fatigued. It seemed to help him for awhile and then plateaued. His doctor is a friend, and not someone I believe who can really assist him. We're having some financial issues so he's reluctant to spend money on counseling, which I believe he needs individually and we need as a couple. (He did some counseling years ago with some success.)
Meanwhile, I'm recently laid off so I'm struggling with that and the responsibilities of our pre-teen child. I feel totally alone, neglected, angry, frustrated, etc. but your comments have helped me see things in a new perspective. I will keep pushing for him to change doctors and get on some new medication, which I feel will "clear the clouds away" so all the other stuff about his job and some other things in his life don't appear so dark. i myself am on a generic anti-depressant and have found it to be wonderful - it really helped me when I had a tough health battle three years ago. That's why I'm so frustrated because I KNOW the medicine would really help.
Any additional advice from anyone is appreciated. I have so much resentment because I feel I have always been the strong one. Nothing that I go through (and I've had a major health battle for over a decade) is ever the top thing we have to deal with - it's always how HE feels, what's going on with HIM, etc. It's maddening! On the day I lost my job recently, he was actually in a worse mood than me because of some difficulties he had that day. So he was nowhere for me and I was left to help my daughter with her homework and "suck it up" myself.
I want to help him but I am so angry that I have to always be the one picking him up. It's a lot of responsibility and I'm wondering: why doesn't he WANT to feel better and take the steps he needs to take to get there? Meanwhile, I'm lonely and dream of being with someone else who shares my interests and really cares about me and is not tired ALL THE TIME. I want romance and love back in my life so badly. I have no friends or family I can really share this with - they would be totally shocked. But putting on the fake face is really killing me inside.