just registered on here today and would be very greatful if someone helped me to answer my question. As hard as this is I am willing to tell some past things that I believe have lead to me to asking this question. Throughout my life my Mum has suffered with Depression, at times she will be okay and other times she will hit rock bottom. Shes takes medication daily but I still don't understand her current state with depression because she never tells me. I hear that sometimes a parent who suffers with Depression may see this reflect in their child. My Nan died in 2005 from Cancer, it wasn't long till she passed away from finding out the bad news. I was always close to my Nan and struggled to come to terms with this. I have a picture of her in my room but try to avoid looking at it because it makes me very sad. In 2006 I met a boy on MSN who went to my school. He was in the year above and we had a one year relationship. The first month was great, I thought I was in the love with him at the time. After the first month and onwards things became awkard after the first time of having sex with him. I felt pressured to do it and throughout the relationship became very controlling. He would literally tell me to have sex with him otherwise that ment I didn't love him. He would do anything he could to avoid me talking to other boys, he even hit one of my close boy mates twice because he felt jealous. I lost all of my girl friends, didn't go out or anything. I was with him 24/7 and trapped. Finally after all those months, I got the courage to end the relationship. I think I was worried of not finding anyone else again. I have never told my parents what truely happened between me and him, in some ways I feel as if I have suffered relationship abuse. He never hit me but threatened me at times to. To this very day, he never leaves me alone and claims he has change. I want him to leave me alone as he has done enough damage. I haven't had a boyfriend for over a year to date, mostly because I'm afraid to. Last night out of the blue, my Mum told me something which I was unaware of throughout my life. I would rather not state it but it has left me in a downer. I also struggle to cope with exam stress. When I get bad phases, I start going on about my weight. I constantly can't help but to look in every mirror or reflection I see and to not think "am I fat?". I could never stop eating and never have but I tend not to drink much because it prevents me from bloating throughout the day and leaves me feeling nice and slim. The reason I think I may be suffering from something like depression is because I get stages of feeling sad quite often. I avoid to go out unless I need to because when I go out into shops, if its busy I get light headed and feel confused. Sometimes I feel like I'm not even on this planet because I feel like I'm not really there. It sounds so silly but its just how I feel and would like some help. I don't want to have a problem but I don't want to keep wondering if I do.
Thanks for reading :)