Sorry I phrased that wrong. It looks like you missed my correction. It just sounded like you were trashing some young women for having different expectations out of life (you were sounding a bit judgemental there).
I agree what she did was irresponsible, but I also thinking pretty clear that she was living a lie, and that she was lying to herself most of all. I think it is pretty clear that she did not set out to hurt your son, but she did.
The fact that she has crummy family relationships, tells me that there is definately family disfunction, it is rare for that to happen alone (do you not think neglect by not setting boundaries and guiding a child is not abuse? Abuse is not limited to just emotional, physical, or sexual.)
There is a theory of family therapy that says something to the extent that one tries to heal the wounds inflicted during childhood with their adult relationships. This might have been what she was trying to do, and she realized that she just could not handle it.
I think we can all agree that holding someone "in reserve" is a piss poor thing to do to someone. (but it is not the worse thing to do to someone so let's be aware of catastrophizing, I was just was reading a case about
a woman who was killed, because her partner was so selfish that if he could not have her, then no one could). Thank goodness she is not that psycho.
Yes, you absolutely have a right to be upset. But I hope some day you can move beyond anger and find compassion for her. I just hope you are not drinking the "poison" of being continually angry at her. From your own discript
ion she seems like she might be not in a good place mentally, and seems like she needs professional help.
Most of all I hope you find comfort in that you raised a son, who is getting thru this, and will find a happy and healthy relationship no matter how long it takes. That he is healthy enought to know what he wants out of life and holds hope that there is someone who's life goals fall more in line with his.
I hope you hold hope in your heart.
P.S. I think no contact is a great!
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I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586
All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.
The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life? Has your life brought joy to others?
Make sure your suffering has meaning…
Post Edited (MMMNAVY) : 6/8/2009 4:48:10 PM (GMT-6)