Ok, let me start from the beginning. My boyfriend of 3 years died almost 9 months ago. It was the worst thing that's ever happened to me. Mostly because my biggest fear in life has always been that I'll get in a fight with someone and leave mad and one of us dies. Well, it happened and I'm scared to death now. I know that he loves me and I know he knows that I love him, but it still tears me up inside to know that the last words we said to each other were very hurtful. He was my best friend in the whole world...he was my soul mate.
So about 3 months went by and I felt I was showing some progress in getting better. Then 2 of my friends died in a car accident, a week later one of my friends drowned, a month later a guy I've been friends with since elementary school killed his parents, and then 2 months later my uncle died. It doesn't help that I was in a mentally abusive relationship for 4 1/2 months, plus the stress of working all the time and trying to finish schoool.
I feel like I'm a totally different person now. Nine months ago I was somewhat normal. Now I have an anxiety disorder, depression, and post traumatic stress disorder. I see a counsler once a week, I just started back on Lexapro, and yesterday my doctor decided that I should see a physciatrist. I've always had a mild case of OCD, because of my constant worrying and fear. I can't help it either. I worry that I'm gonna get in my car and someone is gonna hit me, or that I'm gonna be walking down the street and someone is going to shoot me. Things that are not very likely to happen, but I constantly worry about things like that. And everything that has happened to me lately has made it worse.
Everything in my life is starting to perish. I'm tired of having to rely on medication to get me through the day and having to go see all these people to try and make me better. I just want my life back. Is there anyone out there who feels like me? I need to talk to someone that I can relate to...that's been through the same thing.
**Yes, I did post this in a different section also, but this pretty much explains everything without me going into detail. And I have one more question...what is CBT? It sounds like something I'd be interested in...but I'm not sure what it is.