Ugggh! Yesterday was my b-day & it just sucked. And even though today just started, it is not turning out to be much better. My b-day present from my evil mortgage company was telling me they're going to foreclosure court on me. Stupid people. I qualify for that gov't program to get my loan modified for 12 months. The only cost to the bank is the administrative costs to change my payment. The gov't would even subsidize the whole amount of the modification I am asking for, but my evil bank won't even discuss that with me. They asked me to send them a boatload of records (including medical records -- not bills, records) which I have absolutely no intention of sending -- yes, I did check with an attorney before making that decision. I asked what they would do if I sent them the records. They told me they would still foreclose on me. Why would anyone in their right mind give the mortgage company all sorts of records of stuff if there isn't even any point to it? I think that's gotta be the stupidest thing I've heard or read yet from them. "Send us all your pay stubs, bills, bank statements, retirement account statements, itemized list of all your possessions, medical bills, medical records, etc., etc., etc. -- and in return we will give you nothing & take away your house b/c we can't be bothered to give up $1,000 in administrative costs to modify your loan. ARRRGGGHH! It's just so aggravating. No wonder the banks are all failing. They make stupid decisions to give up hundreds of thousands of dollars in interest because of a very minor ($150/month) modification for a 12-month period for one of their borrowers that would be covered by the gov't anyways. It's not even logical. They already have the proof that I lost my job due to a reduction in force, that I was disabled & without pay for 4 months & that my condo assessments went up 300% over the past year. If that doesn't prove that I'm not just trying to scam the system -- well, I don't think any of that other crap they asked for will help.
So the whole thing is just one big nightmare & of course I'm not sleeping much b/c of that. I'm still fighting with my dumb insurance company who can't ever seem to give me the name of an actual endocrinologist. I've gotten oncologists, gynecologists, internal medicine doctors & one proctologist (yeah, that was my favorite). Meanwhile, I'm losing more & more weight by the week. I've gone down another dress size (down from a size 10/12 a year ago to now a size 4 & I'm eating over 2000 calories a day right now, which is not cheap at all, even shopping at the discount grocer & buying local produce). So I'm frustrated about
I have some creepy kind of cyst under my eye & I can hardly see out of it. It's driving me crazy b/c every time I blink it hurts. I have an appointment with the eye doctor today to get it removed, but that appointment can't come soon enough! Oh, and my back, which was feeling so much better, has taken a sharp turn for the worse. I've already been for shots earlier this week, but they only helped some & are already wearing off. So I just really feel like everything is piling up on me. Oh yeah, and I got a temp job, but it is so miserable & the work station set up is very uncomfortable & probably is what's hurting my back.
I start a new, happy job next week that will last until the end of the year (unless I find permanent employment with benefits sooner) so that is good. But is just seems like a small, dim light in an otherwise dark & terrifying room. I am so scared -- I mean really terrified scared -- (I think part of that is from not sleeping & part from the hormone craziness) and I just don't know what to do.
I know I need to somehow pull it together & go into work today, but I just feel like I want to die. I am so unhappy right now. I can still argue with myself in my head that I don't really want to die, but I need to figure out how to get some of this pressure off of me b/c I know myself & I'm nearing my breaking point & I don't want to get there. I am trying to be so strong, but these hormone problems are just really screwing with my emotions. Plus my body can't control its temperature so I often wake up shivering or sweating in around 4 or 5 in the morning. A friend loaned me a recording thermometer to see if the temperature in my room is going up in the middle of the night, but it's really very stable; so I guess it's just me & my crazy thyroid. My regular doc has been trying to help me with that, but I think I really just need to get into that thyroid specialist to get the medicine I need.
I'm just so overwhelmed. I don't even know what to ask for, but you guys are always so filled with wisdom & encouragement & stories about
yourself so I don't feel like I'm the only crazy, miserable person in the whole wide world. Anything you have to say would be really appreciated.
Post Edited (Frances_2008) : 6/10/2009 8:06:30 AM (GMT-6)