I don't know wht to do anymore...

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New Member

Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 6/10/2009 5:09 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi, so I'm new here, and I don't really want to dump my problems on here but I'm sortif desperate. It's been over a year now thAt I've felt the way I do. I'm just so sad and depressed all the time. And I feel so alone. I used to have so many friends and me and my family used to be close, but friends that have been there since I was 7 and I am now 16, have stopped talking to me. New freinds I made in high school stop talking to me, exept out of school. It's like outside of school they don't know me. And my family and I used to b close, but when my mom drank, she would say tthings to me that would hurt and she would say it for no reason. I wouldn't do anything and she would be like go live with your father I'm done, I can do this, I want to  kill u and stuff like. It's cooled down thoough but I can't even tlk to her about Anything for fear of her saying something while she's drinking or for her to throw it back in my face. I can't even tell her I love her anymore when I used to say it all the time. So my brother lives upstairs with me in our house, his door is literally feet away but we never talk. Ever. The most we'll say to eachothrr in aday is hi, and maybe some bickering. I love him so much and I miss him deeply. We used to close but according to my mom it's my fault we arnt close anymore. One time my mom was trying to kick me out because I hid her booze cuz she had to much. Her response to this was first go outside and try and get hit by a car, then after that she tried to kick me out. It was about5 a.m and my brother was sleeping, so he woke up, came out and tried to stop her. Be tried for about a minute then left me to fend for myself. He just walked in his room and went back to sleep. It sill hurts to this day that he left me there.
So my sister is well, doing bad in school and hangig around the wrong people. So as usaul who does my mom blame? Me, it's always me!
And on top of all this, I'm struggli g with the idea that I might be a ***. It's so sonfusing goig through this process alone.
so I'm justt tired of being Alone and feeling empty, I jus idk, I guess this could seem like my situation is no big deal compared to others problems, and I get tht. I'm just, I guess I just feel alone. I feel so alone sometimes that I imagine that I have someo e there who I talk to. Someo e who would atleast care for me. I know it's crazy.
On top of this, I feel like I'm a careless person when I thought everyone else around me was careless. But I honestly don't k ow, I'm just driving myself crazy...
I don't think there's any advice that could fix this, but I just wanted to say all this, I just wanted to hear what someo e has to say.
If you read this thanks for caring.

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 6/11/2009 6:09:53 AM (GMT-6)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2005
Total Posts : 616
   Posted 6/10/2009 6:15 PM (GMT -6)   
hi there Shalla, welcome to the forum, you have been going through a lot. I am very to sad to hear the abuse you are getting from your mother, do try and talk to her when she is sober, if she's intoxicated I would try and avoid confrontation, and save it for when she is sober. about your brother I am sure he cares for you too, even though he didn't help enough that night and continued sleeping, I think he just felt it was better to leave the situation because it is sure not a comfortable thing to deal with, when someone is in a condition like your mother, maybe he just wanted to avoid the issue and try to get some peace, yes it is sort of selfish I think but I guess it is a way of dealing with the situation, sometimes you can either confront or just ignore and let things pass, maybe he doesn't want to get in too much trouble with your mother, because then she will want to kick him out too, the person to blame is really your mother for drinking so much , and not your brothers fault.

One of the things you could do is try to talk to the school counsler, and tell himi/her everything. if your mother actually hit you while she was intoxicated you should let someone know and get some sort of help.

about your sister hanging out with the wrong crowd, there is little you can do about it except trying to talk to her, maybe you can mention something to your mother, but I know it is difficult for you to talk to her in the first place, but you have to try at least once and see what she has to say maybe she could give her some advice. where is your father? is he around?

Just as you say my advice is probaby not going to fix this situation, but be assured me and others in this community care about what you are going through and will try to offer any support we can give, sometimes it's good to have someone listen, like an emotional outlit. if you ever want to talk you can find my e-mail by clicking on my ID, I will try to help or you can continue posting here.

good luck to you and I hope things will improve for you soon. you are young and this is difficult time for you but you have all your life ahead of you and you can make good things happen for you if you work hard, remember anything is possible, when your 18 you can even move out of the house if you can, maybe study somewhere or even work & study, some people do that. or if you find a boyfriend you can move in with him. but for now you have to live with your mother so try to make the best of that, try and work on your relationship with your mother ( when she is sober ) and your brother and sister as well. peace
Former Addict of Online Video Games ( MMORPGs ) , Sober since April 6th 2008
Diagnosed with Major Depression since 2002

Post Edited (Akram) : 6/10/2009 5:29:02 PM (GMT-6)

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 6/11/2009 3:36 AM (GMT -6)   
hi shalla, i am jamie, male 37.
i grew up facing a massive sequale of abuse, (overall, encompassing all forms) thus i understand and empathise. akram has given you wonderful wisdom, from me, time to take care of you. we care, so if u can keep posting. healings to you.
dx mdd, severe borderline personality disorder.

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/11/2009 7:20 AM (GMT -6)   


Hello and welcome to HealingWell.  I am glad you found us as belonging to a support group is a good thing.  I am sorry to read about your dysfunctional family and the troubles you have been going through.

Do you have a teacher or counselor that you can talk to?  Wondering to if you have any aunts or uncles? 

I would really like to see you find a positive person in your life,  someone who could help you, talk with you and mentor you to help you through this challenging time in your life.

Please know coming here and talking to others was a brave move.  You are reaching out for help and this was a great first step so please try to stay strong and I am going to give you a  phone number should you feel you need to talk to someone if your in a crisis.

 Crisis Help Line | For Any Kind of Crisis 800-233-4357

Again welcome to HealingWell.



Kitt, Co-Moderator:
Depression,  & 
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 6/12/2009 8:45 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Shalla,

I’m glad that you came to post here, and I hope you will come back and share some more. I’m really sorry to know that you’ve had so much heartache in your relationships with your family. It’s hard when you don’t have friends to confide in about things. That’s what is so good about the forum here…..we can always come here to talk and get a reply from someone about our problems.

I agree with the others that you should consider talking to a trusted teacher or a school counselor about this. You should not suffer alone, and there are people out there who could really help you. I also hope you will consider phoning the crisis line that Kitt mentioned.

Please don’t ever lose faith in yourself, Shalla. No matter what other people say or do, we can always count on ourselves. You have a lot of strength inside you, whether you believe it or not, and you have the power to reach out to somebody and get some help with your situation. I hope you will come back and let us know how you are.
Moderator, Depression Forum 

“No one is as capable of gratitude as one who has emerged from the kingdom of night.” ~Elie Wiesel



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