I’m so glad you are keeping up with your therapist….you need that source of support right now, with all that you’re going through. I have to say, I continue to be unpleasantly surprised at what is going on with your parents, and I will try to write a reply that is not just a diatribe against their parenting skills, although frankly, it will be difficult. :-/
At your age, you have the right to make your own decisions, and that includes choosing who you will date. I think it is very sad that your parents are threatening to jeopardize your academic career and possibly your very living conditions by withdrawing financial support at this point in your schooling. It’s also sad that they are threatening to “have nothing to do with you”, and withdraw whatever family support you might have, as well. To do this as a means of controlling who you date is not only inappropriate, IMO, it is emotional blackmail. I don’t like saying this, but I think your parents have a very unhealthy sense of boundaries.
I’m feeling unsettled at the idea that your mom pretended to be a staff person at Honda in order to inquire about
your boyfriend’s work status. To speak to his manager under the guise of being a financial officer or car salesperson is unethical and an invasion of his privacy. Again, this is a situation of unhealthy boundaries, and it is totally inappropriate behaviour
I’m surprised that your boyfriend was agreeable to having you fax his paycheck to your mom, but by doing this, it is obvious to me that he is trying to help you get through this by whatever means possible. I just feel awful that his personal records have to be put on the line like this as a basis for whether or not you are ‘allowed’ to date him. You are old enough to make up your own mind about
the men you date, and this kind of interrogation and ‘evidence gathering’ is way over the top! Yes, there are some men out there who will take advantage of women, but your boyfriend has been up front about
his situation with you and your parents, and I don’t see any kind of deception going on here. In any event, this should be YOUR decision, not theirs.
I think you should give some thought to what Frances said about
possibly staying with a friend, or staying at your college full-time, instead of living at home during your breaks. I don’t know if this would be feasible for you, but from a mental/emotional standpoint, I think it would be healthier for you.
The fact of the matter is that you cannot change your parents’ viewpoints on this situation……that is crystal clear, from everything you’ve posted since this started. You will have to decide if you can continue living there under the current circumstances, or if you should look for another place to live, and perhaps try to find a way to take a loan or somehow finance the remainder of your education by yourself. This is such a sad situation, and I feel very badly for what you’re going through. Sometimes our parents behave in a way that is really damaging to us, and we have to make some distance in order to live our lives to the fullest extent. You have a right to be happy, and I hope you will keep your own best interests at heart while you make your choices. Good luck to you…..and please keep us posted. (((hugs)))
Moderator, Depression Forum
“Sadness is but a wall between two gardens.” ~Kahlil Gibran