New here and so confused/sad

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New Member

Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 6/16/2009 5:00 AM (GMT -6)   
I am 24 and just had a baby.  She is three months old and I love her more than anything.  Her father and I are not together and he lives in another state but claims to be moving here in two months (I won't believe him until it happens due to too many broken promises in the past).  He is an alcoholic and a pothead and I am neither but have always had problems with depression.
I have not spoken to my mother in almost two years because when I told her I was pregnant the first time the first words out of her mouth were "you're getting it taken care of, right???"  Since then neither of us has attempted contact.  I terminated that pregnancy and have a lot of sadness about that and my ex has a lot of anger towards me about it.  I got pregnant a month after the termination.
I am living with my father, stepmom and half-sister, 14.  I dropped out of college to have my daughter when I only needed two semesters to graduate.  I work as a waitress.  I feel like such a loser- alone, dumbass job, debt from stupid credit cards I used in college.
I have support from my dad watching my daughter when I work but he doesn't respect me as a mother- giving her cheap formula when I want her to have a certain kind, or laughing at me when I ask him not to do certain things which could potentially be dangerous for her.  I feel like I am trapped.  I can't get a day job because I can't afford childcare... I can't get a place on my own because I can't afford it, and I don't want to go through the government because their housing is dangerous due to drugs, etc.
I want to file for child support but don't know where my ex is living or his ssn... he only talks to me when he feels like it and won't answer if I call him.  He's a salesman and so far has smooth talked me into thinking there may have been a chance for us but now I know there is not.
I've been on lexapro 20mg/day for about a year but can't afford to take one every day because they are so expensive.  I don't think I have ppd because everthing has been great with the baby, just the other situations have brought me down and made me so sad.
I feel really alone and helpless.

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 6/16/2009 5:18 AM (GMT -6)   
hi evelyn, hey, a lot is happing for you at the moment. you have shown me straight away that you are indeed a good mum because you are putting it on the line. i feel that more peer, female support is needed around you, esp for effective childminding done properly, and so you can receive support and giudance from other women who have been and are in your situation.
any form of employ in this economy is fantastic, i am not, me on a disability pension, but in training to make a comeback, stop with the self put downs my dear, u are in a tough situation, and doing the best you can. as for the father of your child, well.......i am a compassionate man, but not a fan of fathers who don't support their child, the mothers of the children, etc. there are terrific dads out there, excellent, but too many who shirk there responsibilities also.
talk to your doc. other supports may be offered through referal from your g.p. all the best. luv 2 u. jamie, male, 37.
dx mdd, severe borderline personality disorder. 

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 6/16/2009 5:25 AM (GMT -6)   
Heej Evelyn,

Welcome aboard the HW forums! Nice to meet you.

Maybe you should relax a bit more, try to stop the worrying. Easier said than done though. But it seems like you want a lot, a better job, a new house, childcare, money, etc. Maybe you should try to think more about what you already have, things as physical health, relatives, friends, and of course a wonderful kid. If we could choose, we all had the best jobs, infinite money, everything, but we can't always choose. I don't know your situation, but if you have a place to stay and a good environment for the baby to grow up, you already have the most important things I believe. You are no losers at all for having a "dumbass" job as you named it, or living with your parents.

What really helps me is to name the things I am grateful of having. For instance now, I am grateful to have a computer I can use. And I am grateful for my clothes. And when I find that I lack something, I imagine all those people who have far less, but are still happy. Who would you choose to be? A billionaire who spends his days in anger and discontent to gather more, or a happy poor fellow who spends his days in happiness? If you can try to be happy with what you have, that would be the best start to make. Just name the things, try to name as many as you can.

Sorry if this didn't help you much Evelyn, I know I can be way too theoretical, that is just how my mind works. If there is anything I can do for you, make sure to let me know OK?

Hold on my friend, and things will be better :-),

Moderator on the Depression Forum

The World is but a reflection. Smile, and it will smile back.
Perfection is found in everything being as you want it to be. Have no expectations, and perfection will be inevitable.

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 7348
   Posted 6/16/2009 8:07 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Evelyn

Welcome to the healingwell forum nice to meet you. Sounds like you have had a rough time and you have been given some great advice from the other members and I just wanted to welcome you and say hi. I would go and speak to your doctor and see if you can get any help towards medication costs, Have you considered therapy such as CBT? as it is good to talk to someone and find out ways of dealing with depression and know you can always come here for support.

Take Care


getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 42609
   Posted 6/16/2009 11:39 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Evelyn,

Be proud of yourself, no matter what job you are working. You are a good mother and that is that. You can apply for ADC even if you don't know where the father is, they will find him. And in the meantime you can get some help, maybe even food stamps. It all helps. WIK will help you with formula and other foods for the baby. You can do this. I have total faith in you.

Keep trying and take life one day at a time. You are a good person and things will work out for you.

Keep posting too, as we are all here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Precious Gem
Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1139
   Posted 6/16/2009 12:56 PM (GMT -6)   


You are young and you have plenty of time to finish college and I hope you do.  Obviously you are a good Mom or you would not have these worries about doing better for your child and yourself.  Do not let undesireable situations make you depressed, instead take action.  One step ahead at a time.  Any job in this economy is a plus and I do believe it will get better.  I take Celexa which is made by the same company that makes Lexapro and Celexa has a generic version, maybe you could try that and it would be easier on you money-wise.  I have often found that when things feel like you cannot stand them one more minute, they change for the better.  So hang on, I think you sound like a very smart, caring young lady and you will be fine.  I know it does not feel like that right now but you will.  I have faith, sometimes that is all we need to get through.  I think you can go to the Child Services (Social Services) and fill out papers for child support giving them as much information that you have.  They are pretty good at tracking down fathers who are not paying child support, please at least try.  I know public housing is not always the best atmosphere to raise your child in but they all are not bad and if you think having your own place would make you feel better than so what is out there before you reject the idea.  Point, just keep trying, it may take a while but you will get all these things done. 

Promise me you will stop beating yourself up, ok?  I think given your situation you are doing the best you can right now and loving your child and wanting better for them is always a good thing.


Good Luck Sweetheart, I have been right where you are........





Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 6/17/2009 2:36 AM (GMT -6)   
good on ya gem. jamie. excellent info. smilewinkgrin smilewinkgrin   and evelyn, keep the faith. we care.
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