I think Frances has given you some excellent advice. She has a wealth of knowledge in this area, and she really knows what she’s talking about
! I agree with her, and with Karen (another very wise woman!), when they suggest that you should just take a bit of time and let things settle down a bit. I also agree that you should find someone….an adult….to talk to about
this….someone you can trust who will listen and give you an objective opinion about
your situation and the options available to you. Some sort of counseling, whether it be from a teacher, a therapist, a clergy person, a relative, a friend’s parent….whatever….would be really beneficial to you right now.
Here’s my take on your boyfriend’s reaction: I think he feels very much in love with you, and those emotions can be really intense. In fact, speaking from my own experience, love relationships at your age are probably more intense and complicated than some love relationships which come at a later stage in life. I think he is overwhelmed by these emotions right now, and I think he is frustrated just like you are that you can’t see each other. I really believe his outburst was just sheer frustration mixed with an intense desire to be with you. I do believe he still loves you…..that much is clear…..and I think perhaps he is taking some time to deal with these heavy feelings right now and trying to figure out what to do to make things better for both of you. That would be my guess.
I honestly don’t know what to suggest to you as far as finding ways to see your boyfriend behind your parents’ backs. As I said in your other thread, this could cause huge problems for you at home, and I would hate for that to happen to you. I thought if maybe you two were involved in some sort of group activity together (like athletics or a community thing of some sort) that your parents might accept that, since you would not be alone and you would be productively involved in something, but I now know from your other posts that this would not be possible.
So….it looks like you have some choices to make, Cedabug. You can choose to communicate with him as you have, by phone or internet (I am assuming) and wait until school starts again to see him, or you can risk going behind your parents’ backs (which I can’t advise on a clear conscience) and possibly lead an even more restricted lifestyle than the one you’re leading now if/when you get caught. I know putting the relationship on hold is not an option for you or him, since you both feel so strongly for each other. The fact of the matter is that your parents have forbidden you to see this guy, and from everything you’ve said up to this point, they are actively monitoring your every move, and will undoubtedly catch you if you try to sneak around. It’s very sad, and I feel awful for you. I know, because I’ve been there myself, how painful this is for you, and I am really, really sorry. When situations like this come up in life, we have to look at the facts and work within that framework. You can’t control the way your parents feel…..all you can control is the way you handle this.
Give your boyfriend some time to cool off, and if you feel that you can have a calm conversation with him, discuss your choices with him. I know your choices are very limited, but as I said, you have to work within the framework you’ve been given. I know the next two months seem like a long time for you now, but if your relationship is meant to be, you and your boyfriend will survive this.
Do you have an adult in your life who you could talk to and trust with your feelings? If so, please consider doing this. You’re going through something really tough, and it’s hard to do it alone. Of course, you can always come here and talk. I just wish I had a better solution for you right now. It’s hard at your age….I really do remember…..and I know you’re hurting. Just know that this hurt will not last indefinitely, and things will work out the way they are supposed to. Please hang in there, Cedabug, and know that we really care about
Moderator, Depression Forum
“No one is as capable of gratitude as one who has emerged from the kingdom of night.” ~Elie Wiesel