I would like to welcome you to the forum as well, and I, too, am sorry for the pain you're feeling. Karen has given you some really good advice. It's true that people don't talk about
us anywhere near the amount that we might think. I do understand how hard it is to get out when you feel the need to isolate yourself. When I first left my husband, it was a painful and frightening time for me. I was ashamed about
my situation, and so scared that he was going to find me. He had been abusive to me, and I had to move a long distance to get away from him. When I first relocated, I was so depressed and full of fear, I could barely make it to the grocery store without having a breakdown. I worked from home for a long time, too. I knew I had to start talking to people, but it was so hard.
I started by going to a small, local store every week to buy the necessities. I forced myself to say 'hi' to the person behind the counter, and eventually to make small talk, even if it was just about
the weather. The more I practiced this, the easier it became. I gradually started to say more, and would ask simple questions like, "when is your shift over?" or "do you like working here?" and things like that. These were small steps, but really important ones, as I found myself able to talk a little more each time. Maybe this would be a good way for you to begin, too.
I also started seeing a therapist for counseling, and that has helped me a great deal. She started out by giving me really small assignments, like walking down my block and back to my house each day. It was really hard at first, because like you, I didn't like the thought of people looking at me. I had to force myself to do it, but it really helped me, and it became easier over time, just like talking to people.
I know what you mean about
making excuses not to do things.....I went through the same thing. I still have days when I do that. However, I have been so sad for so long, the knowledge that things are finally getting better has kept me motivated. I hope you will experience that too, once you start taking those small steps.
Give the meds a chance to work, and take one day at a time. Make your steps small ones....as small as you need to....and I think you will see some good results. Hang in there, and keep posting with us. This is a great community of supportive people.
Moderator, Depression Forum
“Sadness is but a wall between two gardens.” ~Kahlil Gibran