I'm feeling so lonely!!!

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New Member

Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 6/23/2009 2:28 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi there, this is my first time using this. Ok so me and my girlfriend split after only 4 months of being together. It got serious fast and was going so good! All of a sudden she decides to end. Her reasoning is because i'm going away for good she decided to end it early so she could get over while i'm here as a friend. The break up didn't go well and i said some stupid nasty things that I regret and apoligized for saying. I agreed to be friends with her straight away, because i've got 5 weeks left here before i go home, and want to be able to talk to her when i go. She then said ok and was difficult about being friends after i firstly said i wasn't sure if it was a good idea. she is being so nasty to me now and is just hurting me so much. i haven't been texting her, i've been giving her space. we work together and thats when she treats me bad. i just try and give her space and be as nice as possible to her. i have been putting her before myself, i care so much about her. but i'm taking a huge risk because i have an anxiety problem and have suffered from depression on a few occassions. its hard because i can't stop thinking about how much i miss her. i'm trying to get out and about, but i'm living in a very unsupportive envoirnment of people who are saying they will do things with me and then cancelling last minute. we both love each other and its just so not a great place to be in right now. do i just keep doing what i'm doing? trying to move on and keep being supportive to her, so i can go back knowing i gave it my best shot?

Elite Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 20279
   Posted 6/23/2009 3:42 AM (GMT -6)   
hi polger, firstly welcome to the hw forum. i am jamie, 37 and male.
sorry that this situation has arisen with your gf. if you know that it is over, and being friends is only going to prolong your agony then i think you know the answer. am sorry, yeah esp with investing your heart and soul in the relationship. i do not know the answer, yet i am here for you. follow your instincts, time can be a good thing to. so are deep and meaningful's-. with kindness my friend jamie.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 585
   Posted 6/23/2009 4:38 AM (GMT -6)   
Heeja Polger,

Welcome aboard the HW Forums!

First of all, I am sorry to hear all this. It seems that you are having quite a hard time now. And no matter how much I want to give you the answer, there isn't any. At least, not an universal one that will always work. You have to find that answer yourself.

It seems like you are a compassionate person, and that is a wonderful thing. If it doesn't hurt you too much, I think it is a good thing to keep supporting here. If it, however, does tend to take you down, it might be better to take some time for yourself. That will be best for everyone, not only you.

And it might be a huge help if you do have someone to support you. If your environment isn't ready for it, you might want to check with a counsellor of any sorts. They can be a huge help.

In any way, take care, and if you want to share more, you are always welcome here!

Moderator on the Depression Forum

The World is but a reflection. Smile, and it will smile back.
Perfection is found in everything being as you want it to be. Have no expectations, and perfection will be inevitable.

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/23/2009 9:07 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello and welcome to HealingWell.  I am sorry that you are feeling so down and sad right now.  You posted the reason your GF is breaking off with you is that you are "going away forever".  Is it safe to assume you are leaving the area where you are right now never to return?  If this is the case then it would be best to break off and remain friends if you are able to do this.
I sense that trying to remains friends is going to cause you issues maybe even kick in your depression as you wanted love and not just a friendship.  If that is the case then I think Jamie has advised you wisely.

Whatever the reason for a breakup, coping can be a challenge, because even a disappointing relationship starts out with an emotional investment in what could be. Serious relationships begin on a high note of excitement and hope for the future. Letting go is one of the hardest things in life we have to do at times but in the long run it may be your best decision in this case.

Please know coming here is a wonderful and courageous step. You are voicing your fears so you know what they are.

Take care and do keep talking with us.



Moderator: Osteoarthritis & GERD/Heartburn
Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic, & Depression
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
Not a mental health professional of any kind

New Member

Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 7/3/2009 7:44 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi again, the friendship didn't work out. I found myself trying to keep her happy and then getting needy, as she wasn't fulfilling my needs. we had an arguement and again i apologised for my role in the arguement. she said its not a big deal but never forgave me. she then started ignoring me at work. i asked if we were still good to go see a movie we decided to see as friends with each other. she said no. for it not being a big deal, she was still upset. she said she knows that i was having trouble with the breakup and said "get your crap together". i agreed and said i need to move on. we then had a fight again, as i tried talking to her like normal, so we could be ok with each other. i was sick of being ignored and hurt so i decided to give us both some space and call it a day on the friendship. i returned the last of her stuff and left it at her back door. i left a note thanking her for the time that we spent together and that i thought i would be best if we both had space. i let her know that i was also going to be her friend and that she was to get into contact with me when she was ready.

i think both of us really weren't ready for it as it was a sudden end to a very passionate relationship. i had my last shift changed because i didn't want to work around her. i didn't think it would be a big deal as i'm leaving in a week. she told me i was ignoring her and avoiding her and that i was being childish. i in fact have never ignored her once, as she has blanked me on the street while i wave and smile. she is obviously upset because it may mean never seeing me again. but i just can't go on being vulnerable around her. i have let go and am doing a lot better since i did. I'm just left a sense of loss and now I'm hoping she contacts me when she cools down and when i have gotten over her. I have let go of anything bad that has happened between us and i wish her all the best. its just sad because we had a great relationship and a bad breakup, i guess it was bad because there was so many fellings between us. i believe that i'm doing the right thing, but i assume that calling it a day has hurt her. i did it because i thought it was best for both of us and never intended on using it as a weapon.

she is use to having guys begging for her back to the point where she cuts them off. i accepted it was over from the start, i just wanted a better friendship out of it.
i guess i have learned a lesson from all this!!! thats the important thing at the end of the day. her birthday is a couple of months after i leave. do you think it would be a good idea to send her a card from my home country and a little gift? i can't see any reason why that would be a bad thing in a couple of months time.
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