Painful break up

Hello Holleee,

Welcome to HealingWell and the Depression Forum.  This is Kitt. I am sorry your feeling so down right now over the break up with your friend.

Many people deal with break ups in a variety of ways. Some believe it's best to get right back on the saddle, while others disagree and wait a short (or long) period before getting back into the game.

The main considerations are your comfort level, how serious the relationship was and how bad was the break up.

Just remember you will survive this not so good time in your life. 

^{Keeping your cool in time of crisis is 90% of the battle. If you can keep calm, everything will be OK – and if not, call a good friend and tell him or her all about it. They will understand. The more days that pass the easier it will get, so no crazy stuff, comprende?}

After a week or so you may start to feel better about your previous break up. This does not mean you should jump into another relationship right away, especially a serious one. Take your time. You have all the time in the world to feel better.

You have chosen to come here and share with us so you are reaching out for help.  That is a wonderful way to start your healing process.  You are now on the road to recovering the break up of you first relationship.  You will do OK,  I promise.  Be brave and do keep talking to us.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt

 

 

I have suffered more problems as a result of break-ups than probably anything else. It won't do any good to try to hate him - that just creates more negativity and ultimately hurts only you. If he has a new girlfriend, that's actually good. He's somebody else's problem, not yours. You're done with him, and it's time to move on.

You may be feeling alone, as are many people on this forum, I imagine, but it is better to wait for the right situation to develop than settle for one which makes you feel less alone, but ultimately creates a dependency. Trust me when I say that putting your life in the hands of somebody else, especially a significant other, is a recipe for disaster.

You will only attract a good, strong, stable relationship if you feel more confident and secure in your own life. It's painful, it takes patience, and sometimes it can take seemingly forever to get there, but it's true. The first letdown can be very painful, especially if mental illness is involved in both or either of the parties, (believe me, I know) but sooner or later you can meet somebody new. As for seeing him at school, try to ignore him or channel your pain into something creative, maybe? Writing? Art? Whatever floats your boat. You're young, give it time.

hi holleee.

dear holleee,

Yeah I totally understand what you're saying. It was just hard because it was my first long term relationship and I never even knew what paranoid schitzophrenia was until I met him, so it was all completley new. I never knew how to deal with it, and I guess I kinda failed :(

Hi Holleee,

Break-ups can be really painful…..there’s no doubt about it. And having this experience with your first love makes it even more so. What Jamie said is true…..a person with an illness is still a person. I know you feel you didn’t know enough about paranoid schizophrenia, but I don’t want you looking back now and beating yourself up over that. We learn things over time, and it sounds to me like you did the best that you could.

One thing that is important to keep in mind, with anyone regardless of their health or state of mind: if the person you love is doing things that are damaging to you or your health or self-esteem, you have to do what is best for you, which sometimes means breaking up. You’ve mentioned ‘horrible arguments and difficult problems’ and the fact that your boyfriend did some serious things which prompted your teachers to tell him to stay away from you. IMO, those are red flags, and I think you did what is best by distancing yourself from him. It will be up to him to get the help he needs.

I hope you have someone to confide in, Holleee…..maybe a trusted friend, a teacher, your parents or even a counselor. It’s natural to feel grief after the loss of an important relationship, and it will take time to get past it, but you might feel a bit better talking it out with someone.

Please keep posting and let us know how it goes. We’re here for you.

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Hi Hollee,

Think about what Raniah said, this is a learning experience. I know that it has been hard, but you have learned and you did that best that you could. That is all that we can do. So don't think of it as failure.

Be gentle with yourself. Don't push yourself to the point of exhaustion worrying about what you did. I think that you did the right thing. And you will definately learn from this experience.

Keep taking things one day at a time. You will make it, we will help you.

Hugs, Karen

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  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

holleee, i too had a relationship with a women with a mental illness, we both were at the time in recovery. it was a long time since i was in a relationship, thus i became manipulated, my eyes were closed, but in hinsight it was lust. and , oh, i did not meet her, or her families requirements, yeah, i was judged.  if i was to tell u the whole story...........well, would make for a killer book, and movie. gee did i go through some @#$%!! take care, and thx 4 your reply, and compassion. keep fightin, u have a kindness thru your expression, so be kind to you. healings. with compassion. jamie.

Ah yeah thanks guys. The past few days I have been feeling better and more positive. I've been thinking about other things such as applying to university and my future. However my ex is still out to get me...

Hi Holleee,

I’m glad you’re focusing on your studies and your future, and I hope you can find a way to stop feeling hate for your ex. I can understand why you feel hurt and angry and frustrated, but hopefully you can work through this and feel at least ‘indifferent’ towards him. Hatred is hardest on the person who is feeling it, not on the person to whom it is directed. Hang in there, and stay positive, and have fun checking out those universities. You have a lot to look forward to!

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hollee, new avenues are awaiting you. new doors to open. big beleiver in education. go get em' and yes the past is just that. jamie